Monthly Archives: September 2014

Sorta Kinda ALIVE

UntitledUntitledOh geez people,I think I am sorta ALIVE. Cant breathe that well. But ALIVE. Lets see how I feel after a red bull or 2… but for now… ALIVE.

And hungry…

UntitledUntitledTotally off the grid last week (though I was active on instagram). After Monday I was slammed with allergies. Like cant walk across the room without having an asthma attack, lighted headed, wiped body… It was a mess.

UntitledUntitledEveryday I sat on the couch, stared at my bike cradled in the trainer and thought “I’ll just spin my legs”, but when you stand up and ask the kids to calm down and THAT gives you an asthma attack, well there is no “spinning”.

UntitledUntitledUntitledSo it was a watchful week. I lurked, I read, and I knit A LOT. But mostly knit, watch TV, and slept. Oh! Kinda a big deal, I taught Chloe how to knit! ADORABLE. She tells me “Mama, I need to yarn with you”, so sweet. I am just amazed at how well she actually did. Now she gets bored after finishing ONE row, but heck she is making progress, and I enjoyed having a little buddy next to me while I was cuddled in bed…. OH, and I had Batman (Mark. See above photo) protect me while I was sick.

UntitledUntitledI DID make it to the doctors office, which I had hoped it was some sickness and he could give me an antibiotic, but instead told me it was allergies and I needed to ride it out. I asked him how LONG I would have to “ride” it out, because Im kinda training for an ironman. He replied with “REST!”, me “Dude, Ive been resting for 3 days! I am kinda FREAKING OUT!”, doctor “How much caffeine have you had today?” <— You don’t know me, don’t judge.

UntitledWeek ended with friend Tori (remember Key West?) stopping in for a night, en route to Ironman Augusta 70.3, where she kicked ass (thats a whole other post though) AND Mark coming home!!

Now its Monday, and I raging with normal energy and excitement and a friendly reminder that Ironman Arizona is just 7 weeks away!! Karate CHOP!!! BRING IT!!!

Also this week on the blog I’ll chat about being a SHERPA, LOVING THE GAME, and KNITTING <— A LOT of knitting 🙂

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Ironman, Janis, Eggrolls & Knitting

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Yesterday was my birthday, and I didn’t do I dang thing. Wait, I did do something, I knit and ate Chinese food ALL DAY LONG. <—- When I say ALL DAY LONG, I mean ALL DAY LONG.

I got up only to relieve myself and shove more sweet and sour chicken (which we now call Chinese chicken nuggets) down my throat. Hours and hours of knitting AND watching Alaska State Troopers that I had recorded on the DVR.

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You don’t HAVE to do something for your birthday. But I’ll be honest, Chinese and knitting weren’t on the schedule. I really had nothing planned, I wasn’t sure what to do. Since it was a Sunday the kids were home with me. I really cant do much of the crazy I would have liked when toting them around. I did consider purchasing kids life jackets and throwing them on my board for a ride… I don’t think they would have been that cooperative.

With no plans for the day, I fell into a bit of a funk. A funk because 2 things:

  • I woke up in time to shoot my friend Jerry a text wishing good luck at Ironman Lake Tahoe. I got a reply back saying “race is canceled and they waited to do it until we hit the water“. I jumped out of bed, one eye open screaming “Wheres my computer!? Where is my computer?!?” <– I was freaking out. Psh, not my race, but I instantly felt the heartbreak and ANGER I would have experience if I was there. Once computer open, I jumped all over Instagram and Twitter looking at the #IMLT & #IRONMANLAKETAHOE hashtags (thank you hashtags). I just couldn’t believe. I was livid. I felt terrible for the people that LIVE there and for the athletes that put their heart, souls, family on the line to train for such a race. I seriously felt like a mad mom, and had the need to march into SOMEONES office and rip someones face off “WHY ARE YOU NOT LETTING MY SON RACE?!?“. As of now (until Tuesday), it doesn’t look like IRONMAN will release any info on what they plan do to (if anything) for the athletes who paid a $740 entry fee for a race that didn’t happen (and yes, I know fires were out of their control, but to let the athletes get IN the water…. Mmm…Oh, and Kelly I’ll seriously knit you a hat 🙂 )
  • Then I fall into a sadness which has me crawl into bed, and jam out to Janis Joplin (again sorry Mark) because my husband forgot it was my birthday. <— Insert tiny heartbreak. I really don’t care what people think, or their opinion, or… anything. But Marks feedback is crucial. So I was looking forward to an email that said “Happy Birthday Babe!”, but I got none. Later in the evening (I gave him ALL day, maybe he was surprising me with something) I so sweetly reminded him it was my birthday, and I know he felt like complete garbage.

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Mark did (does) feel like shit for forgetting. He asked if there was anything he could do… Little did he know that after I got over my sadness (slightly) and sang “Piece of my Heart” at the top of my lungs (5 times), I decided that he needed to buy me a birthday present, so I took myself shopping for yarn (that I didn’t need, because I have a closet FULL of yarn, wait, you ALWAYS need more yarn). Then came home to a surprise of Chinese food a friend had delivered so I didn’t have to worry about feeding the kids. And my bum sat ALL DAY on the couch knitting a shawl and eating Chinese food.

We did get out for an hour in the evening for a walk to the beach, because we all needed a little bit of vitamin D that day. But once back home, I reheated MORE chinese food, fed the kids, and got right back to my spot on the couch and knit some more.

It may sound boring, but I was in a happy comfy place.

Eggrolls and knitting. Happy Birthday Christina, let this be your moment of calm for a year full of adventure.

Big thank you to ALL who wished me Happy Birthday! Meant so much to me!

You Just Kinda Want It

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Yesterday morning I hit the snooze button one too many times. Sleep, sleep, need more sleep. My little Chloe sounds like Darth Vadar and she invades my room at night, silently slipping under the covers, but once she falls asleep I feel as though the house is gonna come down she is so loud. I ended up slipping into the guest room at one point, only to have her sneak it 5 minutes before the alarm went off.

Damn, I was tired. After dropping off the kids I came home, did my same morning routine: eggs, bacon and caffeine. But I felt like a zombie, face felt puffy, I drank a little more water. Just wasn’t mentally there. I decided to cut internet time and read a bit, but 2 pages in I had no clue of anything I just read. Could I sleep? I just had a red bull, I won’t be able to fall asleep. Oh, but I did.

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Was smart enough to set an alarm before dozing off. I told myself, only 1 hour, because I need to make it to the gym in time for a swim. That 1 hour felt only as if I slept 5 minutes. I didn’t want to get out of bed…. Get up!. No, just 5 more minutes. I lay there and reevaluate the time I have to make it to the gym, swim, shower, then pick up the kids. I cant magically add minutes to the day. Wake up! My body wasn’t tired, I was just in this weird mental fog. Man I could probably sleep for days right now.

Then laying there like a schmuck, I thought of a line from one of my favorite motivational YOUTUBE videos. I love this video (click), I’ve listened to it on repeat for an entire 3 hour trainer ride once. One of my favorite lines from the video is from Eric Thomas : “You just kind of want it. You don’t want it badder than you want to party. You don’t want it as much as you want to be cool. Most of you don’t want success as much as you want to sleep. Some of you want sleep more than you want success. And I’m here to tell you today that if you want to be successful you got to be willing to give up sleep.”
IMG_0584IMG_0582You’re gonna be tired 10 hours into an Ironman. How you gonna wake up and be able to paddle another 45 mile day? Learn to work tired. You just KINDA want it don’t you? Get the heck up! <— Me talking to myself as I threw myself out of bed. It was hard to get up. I bitched (sorry for the language, but its really what I did) around looking for my backpack, clothes, food, water and more food. I got my headphones in and my jams going, and slowly woke the heck up.

You cant just kinda want it. You have to make sacrifices.

No this is NOT my job. Yes, you need to rest in order to recover (but this wasn’t the case here, I slept 8 hours the night before). And for the people that I have to say that to, well zip your trap, because YOU only kinda want it.

What happened was pushing through MY excuses and getting things done. I needed to swim yesterday. It ended up being a great swim. I fought a little inner battle. Seriously, Ive thrown myself into some hard things. I’m limited on time. I actually think of Mark in situations like this, I don’t know how many times he’s said “how bad do you want it?” <— Not exactly like that, because if he did I would probably throw a shoe at his head, but he slips it into conversations, and it pisses me off so bad, I usually go and get whatever it is done.

Make a choice. Just decide what it’s gonna be, who you’re gonna be, how you are going to do it. Just decide.” – Will Smith, again from THIS VIDEO <— Just watch it… On replay for 3 hours… It’ll change your life.

 

NEED ALL THE STICKERS!

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I’m a bit of a collector, or hoarder, whatever term you want to use, well thats me. Now I don’t hoard big things but small things I can pile. Piles are good, they go high and high. But bummer thing about my piles is that they are EVERYWHERE, hidden some place “safe”.

“Safe” means I have no clue where those piles are, but don’t worry they are “safe.
Anyways, one of the things I collect are stickers. Been lucky enough to pick up stickers from all the places I have been lately, and I have a pile of ones I have collected over the years (again, that pile is somewhere safe).

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So since moving here to JAX I’ve had this grand vision for my stickers. I wanted to create a piece of momento art. Thats why I have to huge pieces of sheet metal hanging on my wall.

When you walk into our apartment, well its a cluster of stuff. Bikes, boards, paddles, more boards, bike trainer, more bikes. You essentially walk into a small sporting goods store. But I want to give more of a cooler feel, so I thought I would display my stickers and give the apartment more of a classy surfboard shop (don’t ask why I used the word “classy”, but I like it) look to it.Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 4.05.00 PMI think its a little unique right? Its something I can add to for YEARS. I think in the end those pieces are going to look bad ass, I wonder how long it would take me!

So I am on the hunt for stickers! You have stickers? Sell stickers? Want to send me some stickers? Would love a story to GO with that sticker. Every sticker so far has a story, and I love it!

Seriously, those are huge arse pieces of metal, I NEED ALL THE STICKERS!

 

100 Miles, In one day?

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100 mile paddle (SUP!!) <—- Click the link, and check that madness out.

Ok, so its my birthday week. Who cares? I don’t. I could really give 2 craps its my birthday. This only means I get to be in the big girl age bracket, I survived 29 years of life, and a reminder to my mom that she is getting old. Same phone call every year “So you’re ** old?! Jesus Christ, stop getting old Chris, it only means I am getting older” <— Sorry Mom, tis the circle of life.

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This paddle race wasn’t something planned into my 30th year festivities, but it has fallen under the amazing HARD bad ass adventures for the year. It came to me on a bike ride. A looooong trainer ride. I sat there about 70 miles deep and thought, “100 miles on a bike isn’t really anything anymore.” <— When you kinda have been training for 2 Ironman races all year, it really isn’t. For ME it isn’t, but its still tough to get through one. I am not DOWN playing 100 mile rides.

What would 100 miles be hard in? Running? Hell yes, but honestly I don’t think my legs could stand the training for that, I know my limitations to injuries, and I really have no interest in RUNNING 100 miles (I say that now, who knows in the future), I’ll throw a 50k in there though…

But what else? PADDLEBOARD! So while in aero, I start googling things on my phone, and WHAM BAM there it is! 2 day event in New York (there is a California option available) SUP covering 100 miles. I kinda got the chills and thought “OMG OMG OMG, happening” <—insert evil voice on the “happening” part.

I actually called my friend Joe and asked him if he thought it was crazy, “In ONE day?“, “No No No, 2 day event!“, THAT idiot (never on a paddle board at that point), was hesitant then asked if he could do it <— I cant ask another crazy person if I am crazy, need to ask someone with a head on their shoulders. So I patiently waited for Mark to come home, and said “So theres this 100 mile race in New York, on a stand up paddle board, I think I am gonna do it…”. Now I want you to picture Mark sitting in bed next to me, he’s got his old man face on, and he is reading through the current Bassmaster magazine. He’s not much for excitement, but I got a little rise out of him for him to drop his magazine just a tad and ask “In ONE day?“, “No No No, 2 day event!“….

Mark put his magazine up, and I waited, and waited. He replied with (while still looking at the magazine) “Well Babe, if you train for it, I really believe you could do anything”. Yes-uh! For some reason I need his approval, and reminder that I am not reaching for another galaxy.

IMG_0591IMG_0604Now I am on a crazy high. I’ve spent the past month locating races building into New York. I’ve spent hours researching long distance SUP racing. Signed up for Chattajack (31 mile SUP race NEXT MONTH). Joined the Facebook groups, WHAT UP 100/100 peeps! Books, read em <—Written by a triathlete, this is meant to be.

But honestly first thing I did after get the “ok” from Mark was have a minor freak out. What the hell? Where do I start? This is possible, right? So I emailed my strength/tri coach, and what she replied with was perfect  “Break through the normal. Go for the unusual and unknown. Who we are is a product of the willingness to truly do what we desire. When we don’t go for it we are not being authentic. Forget all other’s ideas of what you should do and do what it is that fills your thoughts and dreams.

Stepping out of the comfort zone. Its going to be hard and beautiful (the race, training and the races building into it). Plus its only ONE of the few extremes I’m going to be getting into this coming year.

Totally psyched!  But I’m gonna need a bigger boat board <—Anyone get that?

Thee Most Handsome Man

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Did your heart just melt looking at those photos? Isn’t he so handsome? Am I being a gushing parent? YES! YES! YES!

How was I able to take such cute shots of him? Well this cool kid fell off the stool while coloring (grabbing my attention). Which scared the crap out of me, my reaction was to scream at him, “MARK! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?”, he seemed fine, though it sounded as though he could have broke some bones. In response he looked up at me and said “Hey mom, wanna take a photo of me?”. “Um, yes?”.

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He then hopped over like a frog (??), and got into this pose. At this time, I am confused. “Babe, you want me to take a picture with you like that?”, he moved his hand from his face, “yep”.

I felt as though I caught a glimpse of a future Mark. He was so serious for these little photos. I couldn’t help but look at him and think of how handsome he is. It was a matter of 30 seconds, but he just left me feeling, I am not sure, but I love that little man.

UntitledI am sorry my mister, but I am pretty sure you will go through an ugly stage.
Mark was the cutest baby, like model cute, all the Japanese girls would surround me on the train just to touch his cheeks and hair. Flipping adorable. So I feel as though cute babies, and cute adults, at one point pay their dues and get hit by an ugly stick for a short time.

He just walked up to me, grabbed my face and kissed my forehead. What is up with this kid?

Drugs.

IMG_0579Drugs. Boom. Yep. I take em.

I dont abuse drugs, but am prescribed some. With being open about my crazy, I recently shared that I was off my meds for a bit. A friend used the word “vulnerable” to describe me sharing that. At the time reading that comment I popped a piece of popcorn in my mouth shrugged my shoulders, looked side-to-side and thought “vulnerable” to who? <— ‘I’ll do what I want, you don’t know me”

I knew what she meant though. There are 2 sides (and a fuzzy middle) on how people look at drugs for depression. There are the extreme people that think you should naturally ride it out, DONT poison your body, or think you are crazy for taken meds, or they look at your different for HAVING to take meds. Then there is the other extreme of people that say “Yeah, I am effin’ nuts, drug me up“. Oh, and let me throw in the people that have been told/recommended drugs, but don’t, but desperately do them, but they are so crazy that they won’t take them because they think they’re fine (those people are fun, eek).

Um, lets say I am somewhere in between. I go through cycles on knowing that I should, but I think “Hell! I feel great, I am eating clean, in incredible shape, I love my life, I CONTROL my life, not some stupid little pill!” <— Yeah, stupid cocky me is pushing it out that the glue which holds the amazing together IS that little pill. So I fall off the wagon, refuse to call in a refill, which then leads me into insane withdrawals that leaving me feeling like I am going to die. Eventually you break through, feel fine for a day, and then with a smack in the face realize why you WERE on that pill. Anxiety attacks, and a roller coaster of ups and downs. Not having Mark home, and feeling like that? It sucks. WTF was I thinking. Then it takes forever and a day to get back to normal.

You shouldn’t have to HIDE that you need a small pill. But we do. Its embarrassing. Its a form of weakness. You get judged. My favorite is getting judged by the people that don’t understand what exactly they are judging you for. *Sigh*

Now be who you want to be. Back to the first paragraph you may be far right, far left, fuzzy in-between, and or plain crazy. It’s ok. Free choice people. I am happy for you. WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU.

Remember though, its doesn’t mean that you ARENT strong enough. A lot of us are tough, and want to break through on our on. I get that, if so let someone help, or talk about it. Don’t let it bring you down. <— I say all that, but I, myself wouldn’t say anything to anybody until I am completely falling apart. 

So yeah. If you have a problem with me having to take a small pill to keep me level…
Well I don’t give two craps what you think, and please don’t let the poison of nastiness running through you drive YOU crazy.

**Multivitamins, crazy pill and allergies pills in above photo**