I dont abuse drugs, but am prescribed some. With being open about my crazy, I recently shared that I was off my meds for a bit. A friend used the word “vulnerable” to describe me sharing that. At the time reading that comment I popped a piece of popcorn in my mouth shrugged my shoulders, looked side-to-side and thought “vulnerable” to who? <— ‘I’ll do what I want, you don’t know me”
I knew what she meant though. There are 2 sides (and a fuzzy middle) on how people look at drugs for depression. There are the extreme people that think you should naturally ride it out, DONT poison your body, or think you are crazy for taken meds, or they look at your different for HAVING to take meds. Then there is the other extreme of people that say “Yeah, I am effin’ nuts, drug me up“. Oh, and let me throw in the people that have been told/recommended drugs, but don’t, but desperately do them, but they are so crazy that they won’t take them because they think they’re fine (those people are fun, eek).
Um, lets say I am somewhere in between. I go through cycles on knowing that I should, but I think “Hell! I feel great, I am eating clean, in incredible shape, I love my life, I CONTROL my life, not some stupid little pill!” <— Yeah, stupid cocky me is pushing it out that the glue which holds the amazing together IS that little pill. So I fall off the wagon, refuse to call in a refill, which then leads me into insane withdrawals that leaving me feeling like I am going to die. Eventually you break through, feel fine for a day, and then with a smack in the face realize why you WERE on that pill. Anxiety attacks, and a roller coaster of ups and downs. Not having Mark home, and feeling like that? It sucks. WTF was I thinking. Then it takes forever and a day to get back to normal.
You shouldn’t have to HIDE that you need a small pill. But we do. Its embarrassing. Its a form of weakness. You get judged. My favorite is getting judged by the people that don’t understand what exactly they are judging you for. *Sigh*
Now be who you want to be. Back to the first paragraph you may be far right, far left, fuzzy in-between, and or plain crazy. It’s ok. Free choice people. I am happy for you. WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU.
Remember though, its doesn’t mean that you ARENT strong enough. A lot of us are tough, and want to break through on our on. I get that, if so let someone help, or talk about it. Don’t let it bring you down. <— I say all that, but I, myself wouldn’t say anything to anybody until I am completely falling apart.
So yeah. If you have a problem with me having to take a small pill to keep me level…
Well I don’t give two craps what you think, and please don’t let the poison of nastiness running through you drive YOU crazy.
**Multivitamins, crazy pill and allergies pills in above photo**