Monthly Archives: November 2014

Pumpkin Pie, Myths and Sweet Potatoes

UntitledAs my SIL says “Its time for the New Year, New You bull$hit”.

Im getting a bit of a head start because Ive spent half the week cuddled on a couch or doubled over in my bedroom hiding in stomach pain. All because of the complete garbage I have eaten in the past 2 weeks coming off Ironman Arizona.

I mean, its been bad. Mark keeps saying “Babe, you need to stop eating like a normal person. You NEED to go back back to complete paleo“, he says that as I am clutching my stomach, and shoving down a slice of pumpkin pie (I had to eat the whole pie, no one else wanted it, heaven forbid I just throw it out, that thing was the death of me though) and retorting “whatever! I’ll do what I want!… But could you hold my hand because my tummy hurts?“.

I’ve been dumb, but have been holding on to the “I JUST did an IRONMAN, I can eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING“<—- That right there is a myth. Don’t ever let me say that, and I don’t want to hear anyone else say that, because in truth, no you CANT just eat whatever. YES, have a congratulatory dinner, but after that, pump the recovery foods and don’t let yourself bloat up into the Michelin man. Its painful and not appealing.

I feel as though I am ranting… Not. Just expressing my thoughts.

So thanks to the Ironman Arizona 2014 Facebook page, Ive got an extra kick in the butt to clean up. Apparently there were a bunch of other idiots that did the same thing as me *fist bump*. Now as we are exiting the recovery phase, we are waking up from the food comas and seeing the light.

I woke up to a stack of FOOD magazines and a pile of Paleo Emeals waiting for me in the kitchen. Mark didn’t say anything, but I know he is helping by guiding me the right way. I happily broke out a sweet potato (I haven’t had one since race morning), and 3 eggs. Already my stomach senses what is happening.

So boom. Here it goes. Back to normal me. You can jump on the band wagon too! There are TONS of groups getting together and keeping each other accountable. I am sure there is someone on your newsfeed already pissing you off with “EAT CLEAN” challenges. Jump in! Show them up!

Heck, you can send me photos of your food, or just boast of your food cleanliness. Facebook book me, tag me in an INSTAGRAM post, email me, text me… Whatever! I want to see!

Oh, and before you ask… The biggest and first piece of advice I will give you when it comes to taking a Paleo approach with your nutrition is : BUY A BIG BAG OF SWEET POTATOES <— eat 2-3 a day. Normally people cut out carbs completely, and only eat lettuce and meat. You can totally do that, but you still need more substance, the sweet potato is the way to go! Promise!

Yes, you can still shoot questions my way (I did do a post once on books, and how to start… but its lost in the matrix with ALL my older posts, we are still working on it). I will happily answer any questions, redirect you, give you book suggestions, or just encourage you.

Oh, and make sure you have a crockpot. You can get one now for like $12-$20 with all the holiday sales.

Already plan on doing a google-chat meet up on Sundays where we just prep food. Its a casual setting, we are just shooting the $hit and cooking. Plus I miss seeing faces 🙂

Oh, AND… YOU CAN START WHENEVER you want. You don’t need a New Year, new month or a Monday to start anything. Just decide and DO IT. 



No Smudges, Only Splats.



I wanna say that I am not down with the cheesy quotes, but that would be lie. I think we all have a love/hate for the quotes that fill our newsfeed. The ones we love though, are the ones we feel resonate with us.

Life is the art of drawing without an eraser” – I had to stare at that one. Usually I will roll on by them, but for some reason I stared at the sentence and just thought “How does this apply to me? I feel that this makes sense” <– You’re probably like DUH everything makes sense, but there are some out there that leave in a blonde moment “Yeah…. don’t really get it” (insert sideways face with one eyebrow up).

To me it means making the most of the splats. You know, where the paint spills one little drop on the perfect painting, and you are standing there screaming “NOOOOOOO!“, but someone will come up and 1.) Not notice the spot and or 2.) Point it out and say “Thats a bit of character right there”.

It is character. Our splats just happen, but you can either look at the splat with a squinty evil eye and hate your painting, or you just shrug and start flinging the paintbrush everywhere, making a ton of splats.

Splats are adventures, mistakes, the 5 inch hot red wedges you bought a size to big and cant wear because your feet are already huge enough….

Splats are also the unexpected. I love the unexpected. Unexpected moments are the twists in life. They are either a blessing, or leave you screaming on the side of a highway in Arizona “Are you effin kidding me!? C’mon!!“.

In the end though, things will be ok. You can put the paint brush down, breathe, but remember to open your eyes, take 2 steps back and see the life you have created. Its our own unique masterpiece. Its pretty gorgeous and awesome.

Plus who the hell uses an eraser anymore anyways? Always smudging things, I don’t want anything/anyone to be a smudge. Splats are cool, and can be appreciated.

Yep, no smudges, only splats.



Ironman Arizona 2014: Race Report

Untitled“Go! Run Hard! The finish line is all yours” <— Coach Audra as I peeled off to run up into the finishers shoot.

“CHRISTINA HEE-BERT, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!”, running hard, smiling, tears streaming down my face, I finally hear it, words I didn’t hear when finished IMCDA, “YOU ARE IRONMAN”.

Sunday, I truly did feel like an Ironman. What an IRONMAN is to ME, I felt it. I belonged there. I AM AN IRONMAN <—I said it to myself so many times on that run course.

Lights in my face, seeing the ENTIRE finishers shoot, hearing people cheer you to the end. Oh my, I loved it.

UntitledHow about we start from the beginning of the day? An actual race report! Hell didn’t freeze over, but this race was something special. As you know though I had been freaking out going into the race. Worried I wasn’t prepared. Did not meet critical volume with my running, and just didn’t know what would happen. But I can SWIM, and I cycle the shit out of a bike, so no worries.

Race day there were no worries.

Again, I was lucky enough to start with Lisa, I had been standing there with Joe, and up she popped, I slammed her with a hug, “I knew I would see you here. We got in to this together, we are starting this together.“. You’re right Lisa, lets do this. With Lisa and Joe there, we put on our goggles and jumped into the water.

It was a 400 meter swim to the start line from where we entered the water. Madness pretty much started as we all swum to the start line. I barely made it to the start line, not even starting where I wanted to place myself, when the canon went off. Started my Garmin and went.

Goal was to be calm. No panic attack. “Swim, keep swimming, Chris, don’t stop, swim”. I did just that. Of course there were times I gagged on water, or got cutoff, or had someone come up behind me and pull my feet down. The sun became blinding at one point, but I just swam with the herd. I really had no clue where I was going. Lisa had told me the set up of the swim course the day before, so I kept imagining her face and how she outlined the course with her fingers and said “Easy”. Yep, easy.

Whats NOT easy, are 2800 people that you are swimming with. Starting with the first turn things got abusive, the turns were not smooth what so ever. I survived, a little shaken up, and started swimming again. I like to image myself drafting 2 friends that I have done open water swims with before, JG and Jerry. They are both big dudes, I fit perfectly. So I settled in at times behind people, but in the end people were crazy. Last .25 of a mile there was a giant wake. C’mon! This is supposed to be flat water. Along with everyone else losing their minds, I started to get beat up pretty bad. I got kicked in the face 3 times, by the time I hit the last red turn bouy, I couldn’t see out of my goggles, I am sure I was crying, and I thought I was drowning. People came up out of nowhere and were just pushing me down. “GO, GO, GO, SWIM, ITS RIGHT THERE, SCREW YOU DUDE, GO” <—- Couldn’t see, people were being assholes but I made it, a nice volunteer pulled me up onto the stairs, I get up and look down at my watch 1:27!

Untitled1:27!!?!?! I seriously was not expecting that. Other than dealing with the people and near death experiences, I felt as though I had a SOLID swim. I DID have a great swim. I thought my watch would say 1:15, but apparently I was WAY off. Oh well. Coach Audra said to stay in the moment, whatever happens, forget it, its over, on to the next thing. Wetsuit was stripped off, and I shuffled my blinded self to the changing tent. I don’t remember who I saw afterwards but it was great to have someone screaming my name! Tori? Joes Mom, Uncle, Aunt? Brooke? Lisa’s Mom? Trish?Jerry? Whoever! THANK YOU!

T1 took FOREVER. Give me my bag! Where the hell do the women go?! I had no volunteer to help me sort my shit, so I ran in dropped it right there next to another chick and just went to town shoving things in pockets, fixing my sunglasses that KEPT falling apart (Yeah, I know I should have shoved your sunglasses into my bag Jerry), helmet on, shoes on and out the tent…

Again, someone screaming my name! I am happy. Smiling. Totally jazzed out. I need to eat and I NEED to let EVERYONE pass me.

Quick note, EVERYTHING to the minute of my race was planned. Day before I met up with Coach Audra, we went down to every last detail of what I would do that day. Also day before I video chatted with Coach Jeff (while he sat in the airport eating delicious looking calamari), he told me EXACTLY when to eat and drink my GENUCAN. My job was to nod, say ok, and EXECUTE the game plan.

Back on the bike… People passing me. I smiled and waved (yes, Coach A said that was what I needed to do), shoved some fig newtons down my throat, drank water, peed in my shorts, by that time I was out of town, dropped into aero and started my day. My WINDY day.

Whoever said that Ironman Arizona was flat, is a complete liar. You may hear that its a “false” flat all the way out, but there really isn’t anything “false” about it. You do kinda go up the entire way out. You aren’t climbing mountains, but you sure as hell aren’t flat. Throw in some wind, and then it feels like you are climbing. The same thing happened at IMCDA. I sat there pedaling, rolling my eyes, but shrugged, said “I know this game” and got to work.

I was to: Negative split the 3 loops, and feel GREAT/AMAZING/WONDERFUL at mile 80. So “because you told me to drill sergeant” its exactly what I did. It was tough gauging my effort going into the wind. I stood by my heart rate, kept spikes to a minimum, and just rode my bike. Once I hit the turn around though, GAME WAS ON. Coach A lent me her race wheels and I put those suckers to work. I FLEW back. It was almost easy. I was enjoying myself.

Couple of things: There were quite a few wrecks. Its REALLY scary to go by a wreck scene, see someone covered in blood, another athlete holding their neck, arms contorted…. Its terrible. I am so sorry to all the athletes that had something happen to them on the bike course. It made my heart hurt to see them. But just knowing people are helped, and saying a little prayer is all you can do.

UntitledNext thing: Happy thing: I had both Tori AND Jerry at the special needs station cheering me on. Seriously, I love you guys. I was happy to see you EVERY loop (except the last I didn’t see Tori). Its also great to come in for my special needs bag, have a volunteer grab my bike, Tori bring my bag, help me get ready, tell me to smile for the camera, then relay message from Coach Jeff to get my ass going and bike faster down the hills.

Last loop, I took off. In town I saw Coach A “This is your last lap. YOU GO ALL OUT!”. I went as hard as I could. Come the last lap though, the wind was blowing HARD. I couldn’t ride in aero all the way out, the wind was blowing my ass all over the place. I watched athletes coming down the hill, seeing if they had any issues with the wind, because my saving grace was being able to FLY back in because you were barely moving out. Then my chained dropped.

Here come the bad words….

“F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!”, I pulled over and started messing with my bike. The chain was jammed up, I couldn’t get the derailer to shift over. I couldn’t lift the chain. I picked up my bike then set it down. STARED at it, then repeated the process. Spent a moment collecting myself, saying “Egh, it happens. In THIS moment. Fix it. Get out of here.”. I got the chain back on, hopped back on and started rolling out.

Then it dropped AGAIN. Repeat that ENTIRE paragraph above. There was a quick moment of panic thinking that my derailer broke. But I stayed positive. In the day before pep talk with Coach A she was warning me about drafting, because of the 3 loop course and there being 2800 athletes racing, drafting is a bit of an issue. She said “If you get carded. Who cares. Pros get carded all the time. Just sit do your 4 minutes then think “heh! I just rested my legs for 4 minutes, thank you” “. The time spent messing with my bike actually did feel great on my legs. I caught up with all that had passed me, and was in a happy place again.

I saw Lisa every loop going by, I screamed and said hey, you probably didn’t hear me, I also saw you flat, whip over, and start yanking on your back tire. “DAMMIT!”, I knew how much this race meant to her, and a flat is NOT something you want…. EVER. Also saw Joe on the course, well on the LAST loop. Finally! Seeing my friends out there made me happy. A reminder that we are all out here doing the same thing! There will be stories (and of course there were).

T2 was much faster. Had a volunteer yank me in, dump out my belongings, get me sorted out, I chatted with a chick I had been riding back and forth with (hope your run turned out great, you are an AMAZING cyclist!), put my hat on and rolled out…. Rolled out to get sunblock put on and realize that I had chafed from the swim earlier. Poor girls got a “AHHHHHHHH!!!” right there face. Also thank you to the volunteer dude that I asked to lube up my face with vaseline, “I need more, c’mon baby, LUBE ME UP!”. My face was so wind chafed, and my nose felt destroyed.

Smile on the face, I headed out for my run…

Game plan: Walk the aid stations, and walk 1 minute every 15 minutes. I hadn’t reached enough volume with my running (longest run 15 miles), Coach A couldn’t emphasize strong enough that I HAD to hit my planned walks. Also start SLOW first 3 miles. Stay within 150-154 BPM. Settle in to the half way point, start picking it up, then come mile 20 all you have is a 10k left, you can run a 10k ALL DAY!  Yes ma’am. I listened.

I felt great. I felt happy. I met Tracy and Elizabeth (Hi! Ladies!). I ran. I ate bacon. I danced with dudes dressed like women. I kissed babies (no not really, just high fives for the little kids). I smiled. I saw teammate Brooke like a MILLION times and every time she said “Why are you still smiling?!”…. Girl cause YOU make me smile, and I was doing an IRONMAN!

There was a small moment “I wonder when Ill hit the wa-….. No, you aren’t. This is your race. You are an Ironman. You were meant to run long after biking long. Hell you LOVE to run off the bike. I thought of Mark laying next to me in bed the day before I left for Arizona, and I was freaking out “Babe, you have the base. You are going to do amazing“.

Smile. Eat. Drink. Walk. Run. Slow down. Speed up. Legs? What legs? You have NO legs.” <— I really disassociated my legs from my body. Happy place. <—- Insert all that talk around mile 18.

First loop under the Mill bridge I see Coach A, she runs up along side me, tells me good job, asks how I am feeling, then says “You know your in 16th place right now.“. Me: “No shit? I would LOVE to be top 20!“, Coach A “Well then, DONT fuck it up“. Roger roger! I wont.

Well… I also tell her I think I have to take a crap. She tells me to try and fart. If you don’t shit yourself you are fine. I felt fine leaving her. THEN second loop I had to stop. TWICE. But only twice. <— Yeah, you got too much information there, but this is part of the game my friend.

I don’t know more to say than I ran. This was my race. I didn’t think of anyone else. After hearing my position I told myself I would keep it. Screw the world. You cant catch me I am the gingerbread man.

UntitledI was happy. I talked to myself A LOT. I saw EVERYONE. Apparently I got adopted int the Wattie team because my kit was looking KILLAH!

Coming around the last loop Jerry popped up, “Hey, Coach says to pick up the pace“, me: “What?! You tell him I had to stop and take a shit! TWICE! Im on my game plan”. Jerry gave me a pep talk, well just talked, peeled off somewhere and then some how I am at 20 miles. A 10k left. YES! THings are going to get fun.

I dropped the 1 minute walk every 15 min. I needed to run. So I ran. At one point during my “potty breaks” I knew some people in my age group had passed me. This was miles back, but I had been worried I would never catch up to them. But then low and behold… there she was, walking. Buh Bye Jennifer (sorry Jennifer, you looked great, but after I passed you, you weren’t getting your spot back). My pace picked up a bit. Saw Jerry again, and then had to run up a hill. I questioned myself if I should walk it or not, but no. GO! Cresting the hill put my at 23-ish miles, I turned to Jerry “Dude, for the first time, but body is actually saying HEY, you might be a little tired” <— I did just finish running up a hill, didn’t think of that.

Then I said “Hey, do you think I can get away without stopping anymore?“, Jerry said “Yeah, its only 3 miles. Your an Ironman.”

Boom. I’m not walking anymore. I ran down the hill, through an aid station and saw Tori, she came running up “Hey, Mark says if you break 13 he will buy you race wheels!“, I turned to her and said… well I am not sure what I said. But I was thinking “That man said he would pay for my hair to get done, he can pay for that AND the race wheels!”. She kinda got the gist then said “Christina, you are on pace for 12:50, you NEED to run the 5k of your life“.

OK, I need to get into my zone”, Tori “Yes, yes you DO need to get into your zone”.

I took off. No more walking. There were 2 more aid stations left. I didn’t need them. I didn’t need anymore to eat. I needed to run.


I said that over and over. I went through the first aid station, and started up a hill, I got a little nervous…. Should I walk the hill just in case? I started to walk, but 5 steps into it, a lady I had been running back and forth with all day came running up behind me “No! THis is it! Lets go!”, I said “Ok!” and took off. We crested the hill, was running over the overpass, coming up on the “salt” station (where by the way I saw Chris Leito earlier, bad ass) when I saw a women with age 29 on her calf.

I turn to the lady who told me to get going (she is a blonde, she is 54, and I told you I was hanging on to you all the way in), “Hey, what qualifies as ALL WORLD ATHLETE, top 15? Or top 15 percent?”, she said she wasn’t sure, I looked at the women (I wasn’t sure if she was in 16 or 15 place), I turned to the 54 year old blonde and said “I HAVE to go”, and then from there I ran as hard as I could.

That was about 1.25 from the finish line. PEACE OUT.


I was so zoned into what I was doing, that I was surprised when I started to hear my self kinda gasping. DONT STOP.

Faster. GO. Then I heard a familiar voice, and BOOM! There was Coach A “Hey girl!”. Audra, I have to say that you have the PRETTIEST running form ever, you running next to me, well its kinda sexy, and inspiring.

I don’t remember much what she said. She said key words. I felt her running next to me. Then she said “You aren’t going to even feel this last .25 mile. Just under that bridge and you are there. Lets go! YEAH! You see that girl? Go get her!”.

“Go! Run Hard! The finish line is all yours” <— Coach Audra as I peeled off to run up into the finishers shoot.

And I did. I ran so hard up that little hill into the finishers shoot, I wanted to throw up, I couldn’t breathe. I heard someone say, “Listen, they put the disco music on for you Christina!”

I was running so hard, gasping for air, hot tears in my eyes, then I heard him, (I didnt hear him at IMCDA), I opened my eyes, let the tears fall, the entire finishers shoot was mine…

“CHRISTINA HEE-BERT, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!”, running hard, smiling, tears streaming down my face I cross the finish line.

Christina YOU ARE AN IRONMAN, and thats how you run a damn race!!

Crossing the line. I was so overwhelmed. I was so happy. I knew everyone was watching. I wish you all could feel how I felt, I really was trying to radiate my emotions. Everyone at one point in their life should feel that way. I am crying as I type this. It was the best day of my life. A STRONG day for me. I hit my game plan, I smiled, was happy…. TRULY an IRONMAN.

UntitledI was scared I would pass out. I was a little bit of a wreck, at the end of the finishers area, EVERYONE was there. Tori, COACH A, CLINT, Tony, Brooke… Everyone. I don’t even know. I was crying. I was so happy. I got hugs. A big kiss from Audra. Talked to Mark on the phone. It was all magical.

Then I refused to move like a puppy who doesn’t want to walk anymore. I had to wait for Lisa. We need to take a picture… I have to wait. At one point I had starbursts shoved down my throat, and the next thing I know I was carted off by a medic to the bathroom.

Everything was fine. I just ran an Ironman. I missed Lisa finishing. Audra shoved french fries down my throat (Thank you, I love you), I DID get to see Lisa. Then Tori told me Joe was finishing, I snuck off to wait for him to, to only AGAIN have another medic cart me off the the bathroom (apparently I was lost for 1 hour 30 minutes….Lets not even talk about it).

Still greatest day of my life. Also it was FREEZING after that race. I am STILL freezing.

UntitledNow for the credits….

Thank you TORI for being the BEST EVER SHERPA. You let me be crazy. You were the best. I didn’t have to use my words. I never want to do a race without you. I love you. Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done without you. Everyone TORI is the best. She should hire herself out. She was EVERYWHERE. She was tough on me, and she gave me what I needed when I needed it. Thank you for being my friend. I have learned so much from you. Thank you.

UntitledJoe! You are an IRONMAN! I am so proud of you! So happy! Thank YOU for being my friend, and for always being positive. Your kit looked amazing! Can you imagine if you trained!!! 😉 Seriously, thank you for being there. Sorry for not helping more, but Tori saved the day and babied your ass! Also send love to your family for being there and cheering me on, and I am sorry Tori took my jacket away from your mom… I was kinda cold.

Coach Audra. I love you. Thank you for being the one of the most inspirational people of my life. You pushed me. You taught me. You did so much. Thank you for being there. It meant the WORLD to see you on that course. I just did what you told me to! I really needed your strong self to pick me up and get me going this training cycle. You are the best.

Coach Jeff. I DID IT!!! HA!!! Thank you for ALWAYS being there. Though you weren’t on the race course you WERE there. I ran my race. Talking to you the day before put tears in my eyes. It was my race. Been waiting YEARS for this right? Without your guidance and the base I have built up that race would not have been the same. Thank you. I love you.

UntitledJerry! JEEEEEEEEERRRRRRYYYYYYYY! You don’t even know how much of a lifesaver you were. I NEEDED you. From packing my bags, to seeing you on that course. I am so happy to have you as a friend and teammate. *sigh* You don’t EVEN know! Thank you! THank you Thank you!!

Brooke, You had on a damn ninja turtle costume!!! I love your smile! I love your energy! Thank you for coming out! P.S Joe was super jealous he missed your costume.

Tony! You came! OMG! Seeing you in the morning sent me over the moon! And then you were there ALL DAY!!! High five! Thank you!

Lisa, I love you. I don’t know how we decided on IMAZ but it was the best choice.

Mark, my love. Thank you for believing in me. I thought I saw you 10 times (you and your triathlete body).  You were with me reminding me that I had the base for this, and ran along side me that last mile. I swear I wasn’t sand bagging it. Thank you for supporting my crazy. You kinda owe me race wheels now… and a haircut (plus color).

Thank you TO EVERYONE that sent me messages, emails, FB posts, Instagram comments before the race. I felt like everyone knew I would have a solid race. While on the race course I thought “Are they just saying that? Or are they seeing something that I don’t?”. I thought of EVERY comment. Thought of ALL my teammates. Thought of everyone racing. I just thought of everyone, as if I have a minute with you and told you “Thank you for believing in me, I am working really hard to show you that I can, thank you, shit is about to get real”.

UntitledALSO…. holy crap!! All the INSTAGRAM FRIENDS! You guys are AMAZING! So proud and amazed at ALL of you. You guys did great and looked great. Thank you for your smiles, and thank you for letting me stalk you.

You ALL made this weekend the most POSITIVE and INSPIRING weekend of my life. I don’t think I have ever been so happy. Great friends. Positive vibes. Friends I love!

Volunteers, I love you. Thank you. Where would we be without you?

I know I missed a lot. Sorry. And I know there were a lot of “I love you’s”.

But I love all of you. Thank you.


**Forgot to add times**
Those are my splits. Some thought I was there “just to finish”. Nope, honestly goal was to hit or break 12 if conditions were perfect. Breaking 13 was what should be. Always improve. NEVER let anyone set limitations on you. 

**All World Athlete**
Top 10% make AWA. I was only 16, I’ll take it. So I did NOT make AWA BUT having the surge at the end, well, it made me feel strong.


Ironman Arizona 2014: Packet Pick Up!


Hello! Hola! Yes! I am fine! I am happy! Heaven forbid the world move smoothly, but all the little mishaps are just sprinkles on this delish cupcake called life! *I really want a cupcake*

I know I scared the crap out of some yesterday with my post first thing in the morning, coming from a deranged, stiff necked, sleepless, abuser of little toe nails. Yeah. I was a bit of a wreck. After destroying my little toe though, things came around, I packed my bags and got shit done.


I know I am missing a whole “en route” to Arizona post, but Ill get to that in the next post, I am hot off the IRONMAN ARIZONA expo and packet pickup, so lets talk about that.

First stop … well none of this was planned.  The initial goal was to just get there, and after driving around with Lisa’s mom, Anita, well I am glad we made it. Both Lisa and I get extremely car sick, and Anita was driving around the city (which she lives in) like she got plopped into the streets of Hong Kong and had NO CLUE where she was. Anita is the sweetest space cadet of a women I have yet to meet. She is all over the place, doesn’t stop moving, always thinking of the next step, while just thinking about the last step, the crazy thing is, YOU CAN SEE all this happening. Now see all this happening with 2 carsick women in the car. So again, arriving to packet pick up in one piece, with out throwing up, in my mind is a miracle. We only kicked the doors down once arriving and stood up, both gave each other a look, took a deep breath, acknowledged we weren’t going to fall out then happily slung on our gear bags and rolled into Ironman village…

Once arriving at the expo our “kinda” plans were was to be dropped off at 11 am , pick up packets, maybe ride our bikes… But in reality we floated around the expo, first getting buffed out, picked up goggles (Cause mine are DEAD. Yes, goggles die), said HOLA to my coach Audra working at one of her sponsors booths then rolled into the death trap of a packet pick up tent.

*I am sure some of you are wondering where did Lisa come from, well you will learn in the post I should have done before this*UntitledUntitled

It wasn’t a complete death trap, but it was hot, I had my heavy ass gear bag, long pants (what the hell was I thinking), wild crazy hair everywhere… So I internally started to freak out. GIVE ME MY PACKET. Then of course, I get into the slowest line evah!

“Ma’m have you done an Ironman before?”
“Yes, sir!” <—- Old man giving me my packet. The reason its so LONG to pick up the packets is because they have to inform you where EVERY sticker goes, give you a wristband, tell you your next step, EXPLAIN the non-banquet (free money for food! Thank you). I am totally all about it, if its your first time, showing up at Ironman packet pickup is like your marching into the unknown and have no clue if you will be alive at the end of the day Sunday. But when he asked me if I had done an Ironman before I was hoping for a “Skip the redundant sticker business” free card….

Hell to the no. I patiently listened, and survived the tent. I know its not a big deal to some. But well….. They gave me a wristband, thats pretty important. Oh, and a pretty Jazzy bib with my name on it, check out that sexy thing.UntitledUntitled

After all was said and done, (can I proudly say that I ONLY spent $67 in the merchandise tent. HOLY HELL, right? I was so proud of myself that I even texted Mark “Aren’t you proud of me!?”) we got our chow on with the Fab 5 from Ohio (someone please remind me to give you a re-cap of IMAZ 2013 where we volunteered, it would explain a LOT of the random characters currently and coming up in my life the next couple of days. REMIND ME).  Then did some shopping at Urban Outfitters where I bought a “selfie” remote (Lisa, totally worth it).  PLease take note to the photo of Lisa and I above and how we shopped around downtown Tempe with our gear bags on our backs, and Ironman backpacks in front. Totally starting a new trend, or looked like complete idiots.



*Sigh* Now I have been dropped off at my hotel and am patiently waiting for both Tori (coming in to sherpa from KEY WEST) and Joe (who is coming down from Salt Lake City to race) so we can all cram into our tiny hotel room and plot for the upcoming days.

Its going to be exciting. I am excited and very happy. I had my best friend actually on the SAME flight with me into Arizona (wasn’t even planned) and got to spend the day with her. I get Tori coming in from so far away to just sherpa and volunteer, I think she is more excited than me. For the past couple of weeks I have received random texts and phone calls from her just reminding about the race coming up… Who needs to look at a calendar when you have a friend counting down the hours? Then there is my Mo-Bro Joe who is so not ready for this race (sorry Joe) but will become an Ironman this weekend.

And I AM RACING TOO! MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA…. ** I am jazzing out all alone in my hotel room** This WILL be an amazing weekend and it hasn’t even started yet!!

Let the travel mess I am of an adventure COMMENCE!

IMG_1000Im not even packed. Nobody is perfect.

I’ve been lounging with Mark for the past couple of days, only getting in a 2 hour bike ride, and thats it.

I stayed up so late last night, just staring at the bedside table. FREAKING THE FUDGE OUT. I cant emphasize this anymore… wait yes, I can. I WAS LOSING MY DAMN MIND.

I knew there was a little person saying “Ha! And you thought your little doubts a couple days before was your freakout, well you’re going to learn TODAY!“.

Im out of shape. Not even lean enough. Why not? Running. My running is so far back. Id be so much leaner if I had my running. Why haven’t I been running? Egh. Time. My hip. Was there even enough workouts in my schedule. What the hell am I doing?!

As I type this (and remember Mark leaning over trying to calm me down), I didn’t worry about my swim or my bike… really or the run… I have this feeling of feeling like a bloated chunky heifer that is just eating at me.

I knew the whole time this was a freakout. Well not the whole time. I got in bed at 9:30, I don’t think I fell asleep till 1:30am. Maybe those last 30 minutes I snapped out of it, and said “You’re fine“, “You have so much in the bank!“, “You have been running ALL year“, “Your body needed a break.“, “Think of all those killer bike workouts“…. “What are you gonna do? Quit? Psssh, didn’t think so , so shut the hell up and go to sleep“.

I have 3 hours before I have to be out the door and on the way to the airport. My neck is stuck in one place. I’ve been awkwardly plucking my eyebrows (I don’t even know the last time I even dealt with these things).

I’ll be fine once I’ve had some caffeine, and a crazy pill, and a hug, and once my bags are packed, and once I am on the damn plane with knitting in hand…. MAYBE then I will breathe.

I share this because its real. I am not all super Ironman person, doing back flips, all packed with itinerary in hand (hell I have to look up my flight time last night at midnight….), I am just YOU. Average person, with a twist of lime and some margarita salt…. Mmmm…. Margarita….

Going to document the entire trip via INSTAGRAM. Sorry Facebook friends, you will be slammed so those that are not on Instagram (family) can keep up with the crazy.

So yeah…. I need to get back to these eyebrows…. and maybe pack my bags….

I will…


Its time, I’ve already had that taper breakdown to coach, I’ve been on edge, I’ve thought “I haven’t done enough” a million times.

I know a bunch of people will say “You got this!”, “All you need to do is finish”, “Time doesn’t matter”, “Its all about having fun”.

Thing is I KNOW I can do it. I WILL do it. Its about doing your BEST, not just getting by. If your philosophy is just getting by… well re-think how you approach life.IMG_0997

My big talk with Coach Audra was more around talking about how I WILL do it, not how I HOPE it will go.

You WILL get the shit beat out of you in the swim.
You WILL swim….
You WILL come out of that swim, hit the wetsuit stripper, grab a volunteer, get through your bags then get on your bike.
You WILL let 100 people pass you the first 10 miles, just let them go.
You WILL feel amazing at mile 80.
Moments of up or down WILL only be temporary. There are so many fleeting moments in Ironman, embrace the suck, it won’t last forever.
You WILL come out of that run and settle in for a long day.
You WILL hit your planned run breaks, when they are scheduled. None of this randomly deciding to walk shit.
You WILL stick to your plan
You WILL let anything that happens GO. Shit happens, don’t dwell on it, calm yourself down, move on  to the next moment.

IMG_0996This is a crazy week. More mental than physical. Hell I barely do anything, which leads me to think I am losing fitness, and its making me fat (I know I am not fat, but that bloated feeling is terrible).

I will pack. I will fly. I will knit 4 caps (who knows). I will rest. I will avoid any crazy. I will be calm.

You need to build that ego up so big that you can barely fit your head through the door.” –Coach A

Thank you all for the encouragement! I’ve had people call me and say “OMG You have an Ironman in ” ?” days!” …. I am so spaced out it catches me off guard half the time “Whoa! How many days?”. I think EVERYONE else is more excited than I am.

Heck, I AM excited, but I am just a little more calm into it. I’ll be excited when I cross that finish line ( I really hope I hear my name called, I didn’t hear it last time…).

So yeah, this time next week I’ll be on my bike cruising someone where through Arizona. Going to make new lifetime friends on the race course. I get to see so many teammates, family and friends, that will be at the race.

I really feel like this is bigger then Ironman CDA. Its a little bit more important to me.

If you didn’t know it…. its kinda a big deal.

2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run …. all in one day….yes, back to back.

*insert big cool aid grin*


Thank You, Sticky Kid, Know-It-Alls and Dynamite


So lets start with the most recent, then I’ll work my way back (or kinda recent, who needs order?).

This week has been a little huge, like a big deal, but not. The first of the #GETKNITTYWITHIT Caps got to their first noggins. I’ve been holding my breathe nervous. If I was with you, I would be staring at you, hands up to my mouth, eyes huge, all just waiting to see what your first thoughts were when opening up your package and trying on your caps! Everyone seems to be happy, and look TOTALLY rad! <— Insert my big ole cool aid grin, because as I have said a MILLION times, “Thank you, and I am SO HAPPY you are HAPPY!”.

Also, boom, its Thursday and I got Knitty Cap numbers 15-18 done, and have #19 cast on! Baller! Raise the roof! <— Just let go of the laptop to raise the roof, laptop started falling, tried catching it by jamming it into my shins, corner of laptop landed right onto my big toe nail. AHHHHHH!!! **Note to self: You don’t actually have to do the hand movements**.


Another thank you to amazing friends that randomly send me cool things. I’ve received the most random things. All are just perfect. But maybe your really just telling me to hurry up with your knitty cap, I see the game now. Seriously though, my eyes get tears even with the goofiest of cards I get in the mail. They also seem to come when I am borderline freaking out, and they bring me back to normal. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It actually scares/amazes/makes me happy/shocks me that people think of me when they come across random things. Even when people send me funny things from the internet, I love it. Thank you for being my friends. It reminds me that I am not alone, and people are out there, caring. Blows my mind.


Random little story, wonder if it falls under awkward moments. Today I was waiting for the kids in the school cafeteria. They have art classes on Thursdays (note amazing artwork above), and I was happily waiting for them, of course in my own zone, knitting.

Then this random kid runs up to and stops abruptly. His face was red, hair sweaty, he looked sticky…
Kid: “Thats knitting.”
Me: “Yes, sir.” <— I kinda pause, I suck with talking to kids, so it wasn’t a big happy “YES SIR” with a grin, but a “yes, sir, I am barely looking at you so please float away”
Kid: “My grandma knits” <—- I knew at that moment things were going to get real.
Me: “Well thats super cool”, I am still knitting, trying not to make eye contact…. please float away… you are so sticky…
Kid: “My grandma knits better then that, and its bigger.”

This is where I stop knitting, look up at him, and just LOOK. I know he can read the CRAZY thats behind my eyes, because what I am saying (with a New York accent. Yes, inner Christina has accents) is, “Get outta here ya little shit, Im WORKIN’ here!”. He got the message within my eyes, and TOOK OFF.

The term “little shit” applies perfectly to that kid… “My grandma knits better than that…” (me mocking him), well your grandma….uh…. SHES OLD. Really I don’t know what to say. She is probably an AMAZING knitter, that knits an itchy wool Christmas sweater for her grandkids every year. Thats a bad ass grandma… Someone please knit me an itchy wool Christmas sweater, I promise I’ll wear it everyday in December (and probably January).


You see those boxes? I took that picture Monday (maybe Tuesday, who knows). Those suckers are still there. I keep moving them from one side of the kitchen to the other. What NEEDS to be happening is me PACKING this house up.

I am the Queen (capital “Q”) of procrastination. I keep saying “I can do it tomorrow. If I push it till tomorrow, I can get in 6 solid hours of knitting….and Ancient Aliens”. Whats going to happen, is Mark is gonna get home, NO, scratch that. What REALLY will be happen is I will stay up all night, the night BEFORE he gets home and be packing, so when he comes home it looks like I have done so much. Its kinda the truth, I just need a fire up my ass to get me going…


See my happy little scouts? Aren’t they adorable? Chloe isn’t officially a scout, but a “Scout Buddy”. This past week they went on an outing to the Animal clinic. It was complete MAYHEM. Put a bunch of little boys together, and they turn in a savage pack.

Of course with me standing there, Mark kept his cool, and plus he isn’t much of a pack runner. What he (and Chloe) happened to be that day were know-it-alls. We watch A LOT of the History Channel, Discovery Channel, and Animal Planet. My kids are random fact generators (just had conference meeting with BOTH Mark’s teachers and they are just both amazed & entertained with the facts he knows<— proud mom, but admitted we watch a good amount of TV).

The kids were pros and seemed to know a little bit of EVERYTHING. Hell we started off the trip with the Vet coming out and explaining what they do at the clinic… In between breathes, Chloe steps forward and says, with her arms kinda up and out…
“So kinda like a vet.” <— Very matter of factly.
This then has me lean over, pull her close and say into her ear, “Baby, he IS the VET”. She says “Oh, ok, because thats what it sounded like”. Everyone got a laugh, but I just couldn’t believe she said that.

Also Mark nearly got into a fight with a kid over the compounds of DYNAMITE. The kid was saying he was going to blow something up a certain way, then Mark chimes in that he couldn’t do that, because thats not how it works. Other kid kept fighting back like “Yes, I can.”, and Mark (laying on the floor coloring) kept saying “No, thats not how it works. You cant do that. YOU CANT DO THAT”, Im watching the situation and have step in “HEY!! Calm down, Mark!”, “But Mom, he cant do that.

He then tried to explain why… Im watching him thinking that we now spend too much time watching the American Heroes network, I remember this past weekend watching a documentary on an assassination attempt on Hitler, they were trying to recreate it… dynamite was the topic… Little Mark watched the whole thing… Yeah.

UntitledBreathe. So yeah, a lot going on. There is ALWAYS something.

But how bad ass are those Distressed Mullet stickers?