Monthly Archives: December 2014

Bloggers Anonymous: POWER WORD

UntitledIf you have been following (slightly) along my Facebook page or have read previous posts, you know that I am doing a 12 week blogging project with other bloggers to inspire and motivate one another on documenting life. What initially triggered the motivation of the project might have been a little selfish? Um, selfish isn’t the right word. It was something that I had planned on doing.

There are a lot of things I wanted to focus in on this year, so I decided to write them down. At the same time I was coming across random posts from Facebook friends, and remembering other friends that randomly blogged. These people put a positive impression on my life, even if it was just a random FB post or old blog entry, their positivity inspired me to not only do this for myself, but to encourage others to do the same. Oh, and I just love reading other peoples views on the world. We as humans are amazing and live in the most diverse worlds. The anthropology us of all is mind blowing. I want more…
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Within the past 6 months, mostly within the last month, I have been reaching out for something. Mainly, being POSITIVE. My goal above all else in EVERY situation that has come forth lately is to: be, stay and find the positivity in everything. I’ve been desperately avoiding all negativity.

If I find you negative, I have been trying to have nothing to say. If you can physically make my chest hurt, and even slightly hurt my feelings, well I’ve been stepping back. I don’t need that in my life. To be honest, negativity in ALL forms (nasty people, racism, shootings, rape) that has been scouring my social media feeds, and topics of conversations between friends has made me cry, fall into a spiral of depression, and has physically made me sick. There may be something wrong with me, or I am just MAXED out of evil. Who knows, but I am now trying to fix it.
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Its amazing how we can even let one persons negativity hurt us so much. Even when we have done nothing wrong and have stood up for ourselves over and over, only to get punched down constantly. Until you realize that there is so much evil and negativity there, that there is NOTHING you can do but to take yourself out of the situation. Ha, I guess you can have a moment of clarity and think “Dude, fuck you. I wash my hands ( <—might be the wrong phrase on that, but its how I feel) This is stupid, and I am OUT!” <— That sounds negative in itself, but *shrug* sometimes its what you got to do to step back.

Positivity. I saw how being positive in all things can play on performance. At Ironman Arizona our goal was to “be positive” and “keep the crazy away” (that was Tori’s job). Spending that trip laughing, dropping bad things, and looking forward to the amazing that was about to happen… Well that weekend showed me that with a little work, and with good intentions, GREAT things can happen. I want this for my entire life.

UntitledAlso warning to friends/family: I don’t want your gossip and or mindless bitching stemmed from hate.

Sorry. The past month I thought “Ok, I will give people 5 minutes to vent. As a friend I should be there and listen”. Then I started to think of how long 5 minutes was… Too damn long. Long enough for hate to spiral through me, and now we have just let more nastiness into the world. I don’t want any part of it. But please know I am here to listen, you have 1 minute, to get it off your chest. But once the problem/anger has been put on the line, we then are probably going to look at the positive side, and or try and step back from the situation and try to see it through others perspectives.

UntitledWith POSITIVITY being my primary focus in life, FREEDOM will stem from it.

I want to be FREE. I want to be able to be who I want, without someone stomping on my eccentricities.

I want to be able to get MYSELF to places, this is funding myself in all things, and knowing no one can tell me NO.

To be able to see a future with the help of no one <— Its more me knowing that if something were to happen, I can take care of myself, and I am not screwed over because I have lived a life dependent on someone else.

UntitledPOSITIVITY & FREEDOM. They are my power words for 2015. They are kinda BIG, STRONG words. A lot of HARD will come into place to achieve both things. As always I am looking forward to the HARD. Looking forward to what I will learn, what will hurt, what I will gain along the way. It then end its life, and I am living it… On my own terms.

Check out others POWER WORDs from some to the bloggers participating in the The Bloggers Anonymous: 12 Week Project
She’s Checking Out: TRUST
Grace Beyond Limits: GRACE & DETERMINATION
Mara.Thong.Irl: BRAVE & BOLDLY
Living Out Loud: STAND UP!
Sandborn to Run: TRUST

**No worries, will share each bloggers POWER WORD post once posted, NO RUSH!**
***Pictures are all just totally random from my phone lately***

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Bloggers Anonymous: Janice Ferguson

Screen Shot 2014-12-19 at 3.57.25 PMJanice I don’t think I listened to a single word you said, I have been staring at your legs the entire time.” Thats what is in my mind EVERY TIME I saw Janice at Run-N-TRi.

We all have stories on how we see people. Some people make a bigger impact on others. One person that has left an impact, Janice Ferguson. Janice, reminds me of a statue, a statue of a women in a running stance, ready to take off, determination in her eyes. Maybe its her hard ass legs, or the fact that when you meet this woman you know that she is taking in all around her, comprehending what you are trying to say, all the while radiating her “Can-do” and “Will-do” attitude.

I’ve said it before, not many people impress me, but she does.

Not because she could probably break you in half with one leg, but because she is constantly challenging herself, and inspiring I don’t know how many along the way. She’s a leader. Thats it. Simple as that. Someone you want to follow and someone that doesn’t think of herself when it comes to those around her.

Screen Shot 2014-12-19 at 3.41.39 PMShe’s is a mother and business owner.  Runs Bandit Crossfit out of Biloxi, MS. Along with those 2 things already being impressive, she is an AMAZING athlete. You can just tell by looking at her, that she is strong, but what has really captured me about Janice is how she takes her ATHLETIC mentally into the way she approaches life.

Under everything everyone sees, she is still a person, with her own goals, with that athlete attitude of always challenging herself, and knowing that SHE CAN do better. She takes this approach into everything she does.

I recently sent out a “call” to all new/wannabe/pro bloggers to come together for a 12 week project, inspiring and motivating one another to document life. There are 12 Topics given over the time span. Officially starting on Jan 1. The purpose is to give you a nudge to write, and to be around others that want to do the same thing.

Right after posting on my Facebook feed, Janice was one of the few that I reached out to. I have sporadically seen posts that she has shared on Facebook. Like over months, something might pop up, and for some reason I always click. I remember being captured by not only what she talks about but what you can feel she WANTS to talk about. Along with taking on the world, there is a… Well there is Janice the person who tries to surface and make statement. It can be overwhelming to try to define your inner self when you are working on everything around you.

Janice has a gripping flow through her words. Precise but conversational, she is not only a good read but an INSPIRATIONAL one as well. I highly encourage you to drop by her self titled blog Janice Ferguson, and check out what she is up to. Right now you will probably see a lot of Crossfit hieroglyphs, but I have a feeling we will get to know Janice on a deeper level and get to see what drives an athlete to her personal best all the while raising a family and running a business.

* Her first take on her POWER WORD: 2015 POWER WORD- Scene One. Take One.
* One of Janice’s recent posts: Are You An Athlete or A Coach?

Oh, and to answer her questions…
1. My last name is pronounced A-BEAR. Do I look like a HEE-BURT?
2. Orange is my favorite color. Its warm and happy and very versatile through all seasons.
3. Cuban food rocks my world.
4. My spirit animal would be a Horse (Had to totally google what was really entailed with my SPIRIT animal). To be exact, a mustang. Little rough, not as sleek as a tame horse, and nearly untamable , though they try and fool you and act docile, Mustangs are lunatics. No worries though, I am only BORDERLINE crazy.

62 Caps, Costs, and Bears

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You guys I always have way too much to say. Thing is, I say it all to myself inside, take it way over board, then complete stress/jazz myself off on whatever the topic is. I blame not being able to talk to adults in person.

Lucky enough I have 2 friends that call and TALK to me on a normal basis. I feel as though they both know (I don’t feel it, I KNOW) that I need someone to talk to. Not because I need to talk about my feelings, but just to SPEAK OUT LOUD (and not just to myself). It helps to know that I have SOMEONE to TALK too. Thank you.

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This past week was QUICK. Way too quick. Well when you are knitting your fingers off and don’t have enough time in the day, well time moves quickly. Set yourself up with a list of 62 caps to be made and that will light a fire under your ass and leave you desperately searching for more time.

Yeah, you read that right. 62 caps. Thats how many I have on a waiting list. Crazy huh? A complete blessing. You don’t know how much I wish, that I was capable of just instantly whipping up a hat for everyone. Everyone has been so patient with me, and I am beyond grateful. I didn’t think they would take off, or that there were so many people wanting to support me (because you aren’t just buying yourself a cap, you are getting me to a 100 MILE SUP race AND the Yukon 1000). I get a tear in my eye every time someone asks for one.

So far I have completely 38 caps. Not all have been for donations, so many were gifts, but I have raised enough money so far to cover ALL costs (yarn, shipping materials, labels) and pay for my entry into the 100 MILE PADDLE (anxiously awaiting for registration to open).  Further funds will go into the fundraising portion of the race, transportation, food, lodging, and the random crap that comes up with a race.

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Though I am trying to live in the moment, and focus on one race, well it just cant happen. There is so much planning & budgeting going on, that its hard to just look at ONE thing, I have to take EVERYTHING into account. This is big because my goal was to get myself there on MY OWN. Not have Mark pay for any of it, well he told me I couldn’t do it (just cant afford it), then I said yes I could…

Additional things that are through my mind are any TRIATHLON races that I would like to do and The YUKON 1000.

In my mind, I feel if I just grocery shop efficiently and didn’t eat out, I could save enough to throw in some TRI races. I have some goals that I would like to hit, and I know I cant just sit back and let it be. Maybe its because endurance sports are an addiction, but I cant wait till September to do something big. My body and mind are itching to have something in between. I need focus. Need a game plan.

Other than triathlon taking my mind, the YUKON 1000 is creeping in BIG and freaking me out. Have I talked much about that? A 1000 mile kayak race through the Yukon in July 2016. Yep, ALREADY registered. Want to know something funny? I don’t even OWN a kayak (but am on the market, been saving like a squirrel for it, do you know of any sales or anyone wanting to unload one?). Yeah… Start freaking out a little bit with me.

Its not the physical demands that I am stressed about. I trust completely in my coach to guide me to the race. The biggest stress is EVERYTHING I need. I have to live out of a Kayak for 8-12 days, and battle with grizzly bears. <— Ok, not really with the bears, but the bears are kinda a big issue. I am more nervous to camp, then to paddle 1000 miles. I am ridiculous. Hahahaha, I am shaking thinking about costs and bears.

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Though it all may sound insane, I feel good with it. I know I am on the right path with challenging myself physically, and giving myself focus on how to bring my life together to achieve grand plans. 2015 is going to be a huge learning process. I am so excited. I wish I could share just a fraction of my love/excitement I have for stepping out of my comfort zone, and dropping limitations.

But please know I am not doing this alone. I live off the power Mark (hubs) and friends give me. Small messages from friends (or even just acquaintances) get me through the day. I am not a GREAT athlete. Not a super human. I am just someone with a dream, and with a desire to go further. I am really just a Mom that is trying to not get lost being “Mom”. My name is Christina and I want to do great things. I pray that my kids will see and remember all of this. That they will never set limitations on themselves. If you want something, YOU CAN make it happen. Yes, its probably going to be hard, but you will learn new things and meet great people along the way.

My goal here (on this blog) is not to boast, but to SHARE and document my life. I really don’t want to be famous. I get nervous when I talk to people and they bring up my accomplishments, because I really don’t think its all that big of a deal. There are people out there doing so much more. Plus I think raising 4 kids is way more challenging then the physical acts I put my body through. The average person amazes me. We are all amazing in our own way.

UntitledUntitledSo yeah…

**Please take note above to the taped handle. I woke up this morning with the kids walking beside me begging me to not be mad, because they broke something, but “Don’t worry mom I fixed it!” <– My little Mark. Chloe made sure she told me that the tape was her idea, and that Mark just did the labor. Its not really even broken, just needs to be tightened. Their effort to fix things though made me giggle to myself. All things can be fixed…. Little nervous when they find out what duct tape is…**

 

My Mom

Screen Shot 2014-12-18 at 10.08.48 AMMy Mom. What can I say? She unique, and crazy <— Sorry Mom.

I recently just invited new/old/wannabe bloggers to come together to inspire/motivate one another via a 12 week Ambition (I don’t know if I am using that word correctly, I just don’t want to use goal/challenge) of 12 writing topics. Focus is, well I want to read more from the EVERYDAY person, and also I want you to be able to DOCUMENT your thoughts and experiences. We all have a story to tell, you don’t have to be a pro/everyday blogger to take advantage of a live journal.

When I posted the idea, there was a small bit of me that thought of my mom. It wasn’t a small bit, I said to myself “Mom should do this. I won’t ask her, but if she sees it she should do it.” … This morning I sat down at the computer and saw her post on my photo “I’m in.”.

My mom is quite the story teller. My writing abilities, and the way I share stories, well, I inherited it from her. She has for the longest time, in different ways, has always had a story to tell, or has had MY story to tell. What makes her unique, is that she is funny. Funny in an REAL brass way.

Most people expect to see an older version of me, and when they do get to meet my mom, I have heard more than once “Yeah, thats NOT your mom“… Then my mom gets talking, and her attitude/personality comes through, then “Yeah, I can see how thats your mom”.

What are your parents like?
“ah, well my dad is from Colombia. We kinda look exactly alike”
“That explains your features, I was wondering what exactly you were…What about your mom?”
My mom? She’s from Jersey.
Ha! JOISEY? That DOES explain a lot
No, not JOISEY. Did I say she was from New York? JERSEY… Like a JERSEY cow. My mom would rip your damn face off saying JOISEY like an idiot…” <— That right there is my moms personality shining through me. Because she would rip your face off if you said JOISEY, or she would say “NO. I am from Jersey. Not Joisey, I don’t believe that is even a state”.

What makes my mom interesting as well, is that she has a bit of a temper. A short one. She doesn’t take shit. She opens her big Jersey mouth and just says it, getting her self into trouble more times than I can count. She just doesn’t have a filter. I think you see that a lot with people from the East coast. If they got something to say, they will say it, and make sure you heard them. My moms abruptness has been a blessing and a nightmare. I could always rely on coming home and telling my mom how someone was mean to me, then her chasing down whoever and give them a piece of her mind. My favorite term of endearment that she has for assholes is “That little prick…”<— Everyone is a little prick to her (I laugh as I type this).

I have done posts before referencing things I have learned from my dad, and I know once I publish them that my mom will be most likely pissed. Because in reality, though I have learned a lot of life lessons via my dads opinions on tackling life, my mom was there through my life.

Maybe she wasn’t there in a happy sappy mommy way, but she was there. She pushed me into things to challenge me, I hated most of those things, and even resent them now, but I learned so much. She made sure I had the best when it came to my sport. She drug my ass all over Southern California (the nation really) for softball tournaments/lessons. She tried her best to give us 4 kids what she could, or what SHE thought we needed.

She’s tough, she’s mean, but at the same time she takes care of those she has. Hell, she is a NURSE (30 years), its her job to TAKE CARE of people. She may not have always done it in the best way or manner, but we were always taken care of.

No matter how much I feel she may have let me down in life, I know that I am stronger for it. My STRENGTH and FORTITUDE as a person, I have learned through my mom. I feel as though I retained the best of both parents, but if it wasn’t for her persistence, and “Get shit done” attitude, I would be nowhere in life.

Screen Shot 2014-12-18 at 10.09.35 AMIn the end my mom is always there, like a mom should be. My mom has been there when I have been falling apart. I know I can call her even after not talking to her for nearly a year, I can say “Hey” and she know whether I am in a good or bad place. I can also call and not make a sound, and hear her turn into the Jersey doberman she is and say in her stern voice “Chris, whats wrong?!”.

Again my mom is tough as shit. She can handle anything. Well maybe not EVERYTHING. I was lucky enough to have my mom in the car with me last year when I passed out behind the wheel (the day we were supposed to leave for Ohio for my first 140.6). I didn’t realize how sick I was, I had just left the doctors office, was pulling off base, when I just didn’t feel well and passed out while turning in an intersection. I don’t know what happened, or how it happened, but she said I just started convulsing. Somehow she got us pulled over into someones front yard. I remember waking up and hearing her scream at me “CHRIS! CHRIS! C’mon! CHRIS! You are having a seizure! WaKE UP! CHRIS!“, she was losing her shit. She could probably handle blood and guts spewing everywhere, all while drinking a cup of coffee, but to see her own child like that, well I am sure its terrifying. I remember then hearing her scream at 911, “We are outside of the base. I don’t know where we are. The ADDRESS?! I don’t know the FUCKING ADDRESS! I just said I DONT KNOW WHERE WE ARE! WHAT PART OF THAT DONT YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!“.<—- My mom is such a sweetheart.

Thank God she was there. Who knows how that could evolved. I could have gone headfirst into traffic, crashed into someones home… Egh. Terrible. Also helped to have a nurse on hand… Oh but did I mention that one of the firefighters that responded to the scene was one of my bosses from the running shop? Yeah, picture me now, outside the car on the passenger side, pants down around my ankles because I shitting AND vomiting on the side of the road, unable to control anything, and my boss peaks over the door and says “Hey girl! Whats up?”, “Whats up?!?! I AM SHITTING AND PISSING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD KEVIN! Thats whats up!”…Of course that would happen, then had to listen to him and my mom fight over who would take my car. He didn’t realize she was my mom, and she just had no clue he was. So still sitting there with my pants down I had to introduce them… Was totally an interesting day…

But yeah. My mom. Not the typical mom, but she is MY mom. Thanks Mom, for everything. I love you.

**Also I am nervous and scared of what she talk about on her blog. Whatever it is, will probably be extremely raw and completely ridiculous. Its gonna be worth the read**

Just a Daily: Battleships & Surfers

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This past weekend we walked over to the beach. Why we are NOT there every weekend I have o clue. Hell we are so close now…I could just about pick up my computer, walk over and still get WIFI (just about THAT close). **I just jumped up, picked up my camera, and ran out there in my house slippers! Super close, and a LITTLE cold today**.

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While out there I got a little reminder of how I am blessed with little creators. Once we hit the sand my little bees get to work. Chloe starts the hunt for sea shells to make cakes & castles and Mark finds the perfect stick or shell to create a masterpiece in the sand. He normally makes race tracks, but that day he decided to create a battle scene. Force fields were involved.

UntitledUntitledWe were also lucky enough to catch one of the bigger ships pulling out for deployment. Little Mark saw it first and needed a picture (second picture down), he also made me take a picture of the ship zoomed in so he can draw it later, such a little cutie.

My little man ALSO hounded me to go surfing. He stood there for awhile watching the surfers, totally envious. I constantly have to explain to him that he needs a wetsuit, and that I am not going to stand there pushing him onto the board in the cold water. He doesn’t get it, he just wants to surf “But Mama, I can stand up on the board! Just one wave? Real quick, it won’t be that cold.” <–  I look at him like he is crazy, but love his want to be out on the water.

**Though not a topic driven post, this will be a DAILY (somewhat) of my normal happenings. Not only do I write for myself to remember the little things, but Mark to would like to be able to see the little things that happen day to day. This is for you 🙂 Thank you for reading**

 

Parenthood: I don’t think so Homeslice…

Untitled1. I like to read.
2. I have kids. 2 of them. Ages 5 and 6.

For some of you, thats a “no shit”, for some its a “no way!”.

This just brings me to this mornings read. I have to admit something though, I bought another magazine. I cant help it, I saw it, was totally enticing, I even was in line, walked OUT of line (while the cashier was ringing me up), just to slip into an aisle that had the current issue of Real Simple.

What made me get it? It says “Let it Go” on the cover. I saw it while walking across the store to get to the creamer. After reading it, my thoughts kept bouncing around from “I wonder what their New Years New You BS is..” to singing “Let it go, Let it go, Cant hold it back anymore” (My 5 year old is a princess obsessed singing maniac. I know all the words not because I have seen the movie Frozen a million times but because she has sung that song a BILLION times <— With hand movements, flicking of hair (did I tell you she cut her own hair to give herself bangs like Queen Elsa?), and the twirling of a dress she isn’t wearing).

Back to Real Simple… I have been a reader for years. Its one of the prettiest cover magazines, with nothing behind it. Yep, they get me with the cover, but they keep it too simple with absolutely worthless content. I’ll give them some credit, they have gotten better, and some issues are better than others. Though sometimes what can make a magazine worth the purchase is just ONE picture or ONE paragraph.

This time they got me with their article “How to Raise a DIY Kid”. What does it say? Let your kids do shit for themselves. Yep, we live in an age of indulgence and baby the crap out of our kids. There are so many times that I get so frustrated with how ungrateful they can be, but they just don’t know any other way. My parents didn’t do 85% of the things I bend over backwards to do just to please a 5 & 6 year old. Its stupid. Its mind blowing.

Had a friend give me a really good piece of advice once. We had walked to the park, all I wanted to do was sit down, chat with friend, but the kids wanted someone to play with (though they have each other). They wanted someone to push them on the swing, or go down the slide, or do this or that… It was hot, and I remember being so frustrated. “GO PLAY! PLEASE! Stop interrupting the adults! IF YOU DONT GO PLAY, WE ARE LEAVING!“, I think they saw red in my eyes and scattered, but only for a moment. Then my friend said “Hey, relax, its not YOUR job to entertain them.“. What? Wait. Your right. It ISNT my job. We then reminisced on how we couldn’t wait to run away from parents once we got to the park as children. How you did everything to avoid them, and NOT bother them so you could stay and play as long as you wanted. Though I believe we should play and interact with our children, I don’t believe in being a slave to their wants and needs.

Another point made in the article is, well, “Think about whether your child has the necessary skills-enough dexterity and balance or simply adequate sleep and snack. Yes? Then back away from the shoe laces.” I do everything for those kids. Main reason, because its easier and faster for me to do it. Are they going to learn though? No way.

Just last week I was pouring their cereal, making breakfast, checking their backpacks to make sure everything was there, writing teachers notes, making checks for extracurricular activities, all that… I couldn’t think, and asked Mark to carry his bowl of cereal to the table. Normally I do this. I do it all. I get bowl, spoon, milk, cereal, tell them to sit down, then pour milk into bowl, pour cereal, hand them bowl, hand them spoon, hand them napkin, all the while doing what I said above… But this time I just simply asked him to walk his bowl to the table…He did, but right as he made it to the table he knocked his elbow on the chair every so slightly and spilled cheerios & milk EVERYWHERE. He automatically was shocked, upset then turned to me and said…

“MOM! Look what you made me do!”
What I made you do? What the shit? BOY! He blamed me because I gave him a simple thing to do, to feed himself, while I was getting things done for him. I wanted to freak out. I was filled with rage. That little shit. He continued to look at me with a face of putting all blame on me…
“Oh I don’t think so homeslice. You walk your arse straight into that kitchen, get a paper towel, DONT YOU PULL OUT TOO MANY, then walk back over there and clean that up!! NOW! Then don’t you EVER blame me for something like that again. Did I knock your elbow? NO I DIDNT. Take responsibility for your OWN actions, MARK HEBERT! DONT EVER PUT THE BLAME ON SOMEONE ELSE! And you know what, no cereal for you. Have a granola bar.

UntitledWho knows if I handled that situation as a proper parent. What I DO know is, that if I said that to my parents, they wouldn’t have said a WORD, but would have walked up to me and slapped me upside the head. First, you don’t talk to parents (adults) that way, second you did it yourself.

What came out of that situation? Mark now carries both his and Chloes’ bowl to the table. SUPER CAREFUL. Even screams “GET AWAY CHLOE!” so she doesn’t cause him to spill. Then once he has the bowls secure on the table, he looks up at me and smiles. Inside I am smiling, but I give him a stern thats-right face. Though its not the nicest of my faces, he knows me well enough to know, that I am happy he handled the situation and did that for his sister.

Also I am now remembering an instance where I slept in one weekend. When I woke up, I came to the kitchen saw them watching netflix (they know how to turn this on, on the big tv), I asked if they wanted some cereal, Chloe replies “No thank you Mama. We already had some.“, I was a tad confused, looked over at the table, I saw some split milk, but no bowls. Chloe sees me looking and says “I put them on the counter because I couldn’t put them in the sink, Im too little.” Hmm. Ok. Apparently if hungry enough they can feed themselves, and put away their dishes.

Never underestimate your child. I underestimate them all the time. I can work on that though. Tomorrow I am going to set everything out, and have them prepare their own bowls, then after Christmas break have them start making their own sandwiches for school. The biggest test for me here, is not letting them do it, but having the patience to let them take the reins and do it for themselves.

I guess it takes a reminder via a magazine article that our children need to learn in order to grow, and even though it can be hard for them (and for my patience), well, the hard is what makes it worth it, and they CAN do hard things.

 

Blah. Shop. Put Your Bra On.

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This is off the top of my head, on my mind, blah post.

Its my week. A somewhat normal week. Other then Friday being the first day of Christmas vacation for the kids, this will be a base or normal for what my world will be like for awhile. I initially started my day somewhat pepped up. Dropped off the kids. Got some caffeine. Shared a yarn color obsession with a friend. Cast on a new cap. Listened to a podcast. But just as I just now listed all those things off, well it was all as boring as just reading that.

I probably need more caffeine (and yes, I’ve taken my crazy pills). Maybe I am tired and in a lackadaisical mood , when I really need to sit down and plan my week out. Refocus what I am doing and where I am going. What caps I have to finish each day. Workouts. Food. Future ambitions (I like the word: AMBITION. Way cooler than GOAL<— Unless you’re a Mexican soccer announcer, then GOAL is a pretty cool word).

Lists. I need a list. I love lists. Those suckers are everywhere. Nothing like the feeling of crossing something off your list. But I am in a squirrel mood. Colors, textures, sounds, all pulling in so many different directions. Cant. Keep. Still. Must. Try. New. Things.

Ahh…*running in circles in my head*, I am going to Hobby Lobby, then maybe Home Depot… Things are about to happen.

Lesson of this boring little depressed rant? Sometimes you just need to go shopping… and put a bra on …dammit should have done that first, I could take over the world now (there has GOT to be research on how you can feel better after putting on a bra, even if you really don’t have much to put in there).