Mark told me to stop taking bum photos of him. My only response is, as I slowly drop the camera, “Well stop looking like a bum!”.
Im actually sitting at the kitchen table right now watching them build a gingerbread village. Yes, a village. Not just one measly house, a whole dang village. The kids are loving it.
I know some of you are thinking “Put the computer away! Spend time with the family”, but I am spending time. Plus you can have only so many hands on the icing tube. They also just want to be close to Dad right now, and thats ok.
I am typing now because I have a million things in my mind. Today has been full of conversations with Mark concerning what my upcoming year will look like, its kinda… Exciting/sad/amazing/thrilling/exhausting.
It doesn’t really feel like he is leaving, though I can feeling the empty portion of my life already setting in, and at the same time independent Christina get anxious for the freedom. Mark has had an “air” about him for about a week. I can see him transition through preparations, concern, sadness and tomorrow morning I will see him be content with leaving.
I once asked Mark, “Babe, how long does it take for you to miss me?” <— My answer being RIGHT AWAY. In the beginning just KNOWING he had to pull away had me heartbroken.
His answer “2 weeks“. <—- 2 Flipping weeks??!? “Yeah babe, I’ve got work to do. I am not just hanging around doing nothing and sewing all day” <—- Aaannnndd That was the last time he made both of those comments. As if I did nothing all day with a newborn baby (this was in the beginning and it was just Baby Mark, ME and the country Japan… Oh, and Susan was there too.)
I remember being so upset with him. 2 weeks, psshh. “You have no soul!”.
Today we had a meeting with Marks teachers and a speech therapist. At one point during some paperwork the therapist looked over at me and said “I don’t know how you did it with a child and deployment“, my face was already morphing into my normal response of “What, am I not gonna feed my kid? Lady you just DO IT. You morph into the independent being we can all be and get shit done“, before I could respond though, one of Marks teachers piped up “Oh! She has 2 children (she then looks over at me), she (indicating therapist) just got married into the Navy“.
I slowly turned to the therapist, her dreamy eyes set in, and she said “He is the *** on *** ship. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done to see his ship pull away“.
I don’t know if she wanted me to be impressed on his job, or feel pity for her loss. My reaction? “HA! HA! HA! (the most obnoxious laugh came out, don’t even know where it came from), I watch the ship pull away with a big smile and waving madly BUH-BYE!” <—- Insert me doing THIS BEAR wave to the teachers. The teachers busting up laughing then dropped “She’s an old hen“.
Old hen? What? First off Christina does not get old. Second, I’ve only been doing this for 8 years. There are plenty of families that have been doing it for 20+ years. But I guess I have morphed into a somewhat-seasoned military wife. The one that gets a little excited to be alone and be the COMPLETE ruler of the house.
I turned back and looked at the therapist. I didn’t drop “You will soon one day know“, “Your just a baby“, “You don’t even know.”, “Talk to me in 7 years” … Instead I said “Welcome to the Navy“. For a split second I remembered being the newly wed. The young spouse (hell I was extremely young, 21). I remember the seasoned-spouses just shaking their heads in pity at me, as I lived in the newly wed bliss. They pissed me off.
You just do it. I don’t know any other way to do it.
You also don’t complain about it. You try not to share too much of the madness of running the house full of hellions and not hearing from your spouse for a week (thats the longest I haven’t heard from Mark. Picture being a submariner’s wife, they can not talk to their husband for MONTHS! <— yeah, so shh.)
I think to every situation in life you can say “Well, it could be worse”.
I am very thankful for the military. Yes, there are plenty of breakdown moments, when all I really want is an extra set of hands for just 5 minutes. Or not have to make EVERY single decision because there is no way in hell you can get ahold of them. Actually had a lady once say “Ma’m, I don’t know what you are going to do, but cant you just call him?“, my response “ MA’M my husband is on a steel box floating around in the middle of the Atlantic right now, I’m lucky if I will get a one sentence email this week“, she ended up very happily helping with my situation. I don’t like dropping the military card, but when your hands are tied because of it… yeah.
Im just rolling on and on.
Point of the post. This is what we do. This is what I do. Don’t know if you know but I’ve lived with Mark a total of 2-3 months (?) this year. I’ve been able to get through moving, training for 2 Ironman and I have 2 kids.
I’m not sharing to impress you. Because it isn’t impressive. You can be impressed if I had 4 kids.
Yeah, just do it. Survive. Live your life. If you want something bad enough, you make it happen. That being said you better have a good excuse when telling me you cant do something.
Yup, there is my answer, because I know you were going to ask me.
…. I am feeling kinda pumped now. Sad Christina gone. Christina that waves good-bye madly to the ship as it pulls away is setting in.
*FIST BUMP* to all the other military wives, because I would ignorant to think I was the only one.