Apparently Ive been hiding. Not purposely. Just hiding. It wasn’t till yesterday did I realize (after putting together random “hints” from friends, a breakdown to my sister, and reading my journal entires) that I have stayed up in my bedroom for a week! Think the worst, and thats it. All week. Once it hit me I kinda jumped out of bed said “OH SHIT.” then ran downstairs where I rearranged all the furniture and decided I wouldn’t be in my bedroom at all, only to sleep. <— Rearranged all the furniture? Yeah, even the kids thought I was crazy.
But this post isn’t to talk about crazy, ^^ That up there was to inform you that I’ve been lost in-between the sheets, pajamas, knitting and Supernatural (I heart the Winchester Boys). This post is a post I should have done last week about AGE and how it defines me.
I have survived 29 years of life in this grand world and am in my 30th year.
I want to say age is just a number. I have thought that for the past 5 years. When I was 21 and newly married, I wasn’t old enough. Once I hit 25 I thought I had some credibility as a person, then didn’t really care for the numbers 26, 27, 28 and 29.
30 though, shit. I am a little older now. I don’t mean it in being “old”. Hell, until I was 25 I still felt like I was 17, then after 25 I still felt like I was 21…
What turning 30 means to me this year is…
1. Im in the big girl age bracket. It seems all the billy bad asses tend to be in their 30’s and if I plan on placing in ANY sport I’m into, I better wake up and get to work.
2. Maybe people will take me a just a tad more seriously. Most (maybe all?) of my close friends are older than me. I am surrounded by people just a tad older and mentioning that I am happily in my 20’s seems to knock me down a few on the totem pole of life. Its annoying.
3. Will turning 30 will make me feel grown up? <— This is a hard one because I still ask myself “what are you going to be when you grow up?”. To ME, turning 30 means you should kinda have your shit figured out. With this thought I feel like a cat being thrown into the water, it does whatever it can do to avoid it… Thats me. Only because I am not ready yet. What AM I supposed to be when I grow up? Whats the official age? Geez Christina, get your stuff together.
If I wrote this post a year or 2 ago, I would proclaim that my young age does NOT define me. I am a strong, and somewhat smart woman. Treat me like an adult… Now as I write this though, I am reaching back for my 20’s, thinking “I needed those years to get more done”. This age is throwing me into the pit of the REAL world.
The BIG girl inside of me looks at this year as a challenge. I have set up some big goals that I am super excited to accomplish (paddling 100 miles, c’mon, AMAZING, the training alone will be life changing). The ADULT in me says “Finally! We are here. We learned so much the past decade, we are now PREPARED for the next. Its going to be epic.”.
I need to stop digging my heels into the dirt and jump headfirst into my 30’s, not letting myself be pushed in. Actually I kinda want to gracefully swan dive into my 30’s strong and confident… I think I’ll do just that…