A Vague “I’m Better”

IMG_0222(Photo: Leaving notes to myself everywhere. Like the normal me leaving messages to myself when feeling down)

I told myself I wouldn’t blog until I felt better…

Then I started to feel better, but I just didnt want to share anything. But now I can honestly say that I have had one solid week of happiness. So now I can talk… 20 days since my last post, geez.

IMG_0188(Above photo taken 20 days ago, I think my face kinda just plays on how I felt)

Think near the absolute worst, take 2 steps back, and thats where I was. Now I knew I was having bad days, but they were adding up (fast), and then I realized something was VERY wrong. Heavens, I was falling apart all over the place. Had Mark stressed out, randomly calling friends and losing my shit, or just not talking to anyone at all. Could barely help the kids with school, because I could barely help myself.

Untitled(Photo: Tinkering with vintage bicycles. Mr.Holmes in MS has everyone ramped up for a vintage bike show in May. Have really been enjoying researching and ripping my fingers apart as I learn a little bit more on the anatomy of a bicycle)

I remember starting an email to Mark (DID NOT send it), begging for help. I just needed a little help. I could sit there thinking “Help, help me.” <— This is when I knew it had gone too far, because the sane me inside of me put her drink down and said “WHOA WHOA WHOA! What the shit is happening?! Call the doctor now”.

I called mid freakout, and ripped someone a new a-hole because they wanted me to wait to be seen in 2 weeks. I feel bad about it, but I knew something had to be done. Next thing I know I am talking to the nurse and I have an appointment the next day to see the doctor.

Untitled(photo: Hats piling up. The best feeling is getting down to packaging up caps to be shipped out. I write a note to everyone (usually after I stalk you on Facebook to see how you have been). EVERY cap is personal. I get to think about you for 5-6 hours as I knit you a cap, in my mind we are the best of buds)

Between the doctor, my Mom, Mark’s Mom, the consensus was new meds and to put DOWN my knitting and workout. Other actions were taken, which don’t really feel like talking about, but things completely changed around here.

Biggest thing was making my workouts a priority. Yeah, I don’t know want more to say other than I just started putting my training in front of all the other random crap that I get into. Made sure to take my meds, and yeah. Thats what I did.

Untitled(photo: Enjoying moments with the fam bam and friends. Thank you Tori for coming and re-setting me)

I didnt want to blog about it. I didnt want to talk. I had nothing to talk about. I actually would think “egh, maybe I could blog” then would ask myself “Are your workouts done?” <– Usually not, so spent my writing/hiding time getting in workouts.

So the past 20 days have been focused on getting better and feeling better. Feeling somewhat normal. This post sounds extremely vague, because it was bad and I really don’t know what more to say. I almost don’t want to dwell on it because I feel accomplished at the moment.

Untitled(photo: I don’t know why, but have expanding my skills into color work. I’m Mc’Lovin it.)

If you haven’t heard from me, I am sorry. I only write now just to give a heads up. Also to let you know I am better.

Huge thanks to Nena (Marks Mom), My Mom, Tori, Bonnie, Lisa, Eddie and Joe. You all in big or little way have helped me feel better. Thank you 🙂

P.S Oh, and I have been sleeping A LOT, like going to bed at 8 pm <— AMAZING what sleep can do.

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