For the Fear of Roller Derby

Thought I should write a post BEFORE going to my first roller derby session.

*sigh* “But first let me tell you why…”

For some reason it is SCARY as hell for me. Its been intriguing to me for YEARS. I love learning that random people you know derby, it always makes me turn my head and ask “Seriously? You roller derby? How do you like it?”. It always a surprise to who it is too. Like people are living secret lives. How had I NOT known you did roller derby? … I sit there in awe, fear and envy “she is such a bad ass”.

Fear breaks down in 2 ways for me when it comes to roller derby. First fear is getting injured. Derby is … ummm…. aggressive. Google that shit. Its so intense. Its like hockey for women, on roller skates, with make up and tights. Hell in hockey they wear a massive amounts of padding. Though in roller derby you are head-to-toe protected, you’re still cruising around in glitter underwear with you ass hanging out getting your ass beat by an amazon of a woman.

Every time I have wanted to do it, I am reminded of the intensity, and fear that it will ruin my triathlon training. TRI training has been such an important part of my life for so long, its hard to remember that there are other things out there to challenge yourself with. But yeah, blow out my damn knee because “Murder Molly” hip checks you into the crowd… Yeah, not how I want to bow out of Ironman training.

Second fear: Roller Derby Chicks.

I don’t know why, but I find them extremely intimidating. These again are women that roller skate in fishnet stockings, their faces painted like a zombies, and have complete control of themselves on roller skates. When was the last time you were on roller states? When you were 9 years old (me)?

Also it seems (I say this as an outsider because I have never even been to a bout, the closest thing I have done is watch YouTube videos and the movie Whip It 6 years ago) that these women almost live alter egos. Though I did read one derby chick saying that her derby personality is not just confined to the rink, it defines her in everything she does. But then again, I have had friends I didn’t even know derby, so they are clearly living some alternative bad ass life in which I was not invited, though I would have turned down the invitation, I still would have been a creeper and watched from the windows in awe… I want to wear glitter underwear…

When I think of roller derby chicks I think of 2 women I saw on roller skates a couple of years ago. I don’t remember where I was, but I was on the side walk and they came cruising by. I swear one had a black eye, both with bruised up thighs, and they were both amazon women (Im an idiot and didn’t account that the skates could add a couple of inches).  They had on booty shorts, long ass retro socks, white wife beater tank tops and black lace bras (that you could obviously see through their tanks). One had tattoos going down her right leg, the other down her right arm. They looked tough, brutal, crazy, and WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY WEARING? They rolled by me and I pretended not to look, but I did turn around to watch them skate away. Though these chicks looked like they went a couple of rounds with Rhonda Rousey (pssshh, I say couple of rounds, I mean 15 seconds), they looked confident and happy in their bodies. I remember thinking “You do you boo boo”. Hell I am uncomfortable in my swimsuit at the pool, so if you can pull that off with everything hanging out while cruising around on wheels, all the power to you. Im impressed…. And again I want to be that chick.

Along with the intimidation factor, I am scared of groups women. Like, is there already friendships in place? Is it clicky? What if they don’t like me? I am scared as it is to not hurt myself, so to do that and make friends. Ugh, gives me chest pains. Also sometimes I think I might come off as not the happiest of people because I don’t smile all the time? Or they don’t get my humor? I swear I am a nice person, just scared as shit and I don’t want to bust my ass (though it will happen).

On the Red Rockettes Facebook page (where I will be going tonight for their fall “Fresh Meat” session”), they have videos of the derby gals asking why they love or why they started roller derby. Its seriously the sweetest thing, with my favorite being “To make new friends!!” <— With the biggest smile and happy brown eyes. I think if they were to do that again for this session, they would put the camera on me…

“Christina, why did YOU start roller derby?
” Because is scared the shit out of me.”
“The skating part?”
“Skating, falling down, getting hip checked, making new friends. None of that, off the bat sounds exciting to me. But the want to overcome my fears has given me the courage to throw myself out here. Making new friends has been the icing on the cupcake, but fear propelled me forward. Not sure if thats a good or bad thing…*shrug*… But what do you think of my hot pink glitter underwear? Bad ass right?”


***All images found by my friend Google. If it belongs to you and you are pissed its here I can remove it or put a “credit” under it… Though you should be able to click on it and it send you to magical places across the world wide web***


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