Got a message from one of my favorite people in the world today.
In which she asked how I was, and as I lay there in bed reading the message, the first answer that came to mind was “Ya know what, I feel like a snow globe. Like some mean vindictive asshole gremlins came up and shook the shit out me. Shaking the snow globe in efforts to use the charms within the snow globe (because ya know, there is snow, and every once in a while you get random shit within the snow globe that pertain to the theme of that globe; hearts, shamrocks. In my case ; Family, trust, strength, love, throw in a bike <— those emotions would be on little circular disks with the emotion engraved in them <— trying to help you visualize) to hit me (because I of course would be a figurine within the snow globe that is glued to the base) and chip away at me. These gremlins just shaking and shaking just hoping the figurine would crack off the base, and then there would be a broken snow globe.
But eventually the snow globe is set down, and the gremlins are just watching with happy grins at havoc within the globe. They have shook the globe so hard, that they cant even see in, there is just shit swirling everywhere… Also its the SLOWEST settling snow globe EVER, like c’mon snowflakes! Fucking SETTLE down already.
Within the snow globe is me. Totally caught off guard like an earth quake. Just cruising along, trying to figure things out, and then the ground starts shaking and shits starts flying EVERYWHERE, and I stand there (within my snow globe, stay with me people on this) totally confused. The snow within the globe is hindering my vision, random fucking charms start flying out of nowhere totally blind siding me against the head. Those damn charms HURT when they hit, like they HURT so damn bad, but they dont chip my figurine, I stand there and just let it all come because I am glued to my foundation, my foundation is what is holding me in place. The super glue that is holding me to the base of that snow globe is strong, and is 30 years in the making. Yeah, I am not going anywhere and just knowing that my foundation is strong gives me the power to just take the madness that is swirling around me.
Now I am still dizzy, because gremlins are shaking the shit out of my life, also the charms still inflict pain every time they bounce off of me, but as things settle and there isnt much force left within the charms, and the snow starts settling and I can see out and notice that (though my own actions may cause a ripple and confusion in my life) there are OUTSIDE forces creating the chaos within.
The gremlins continue looking in on how things are settling, with evil grins, then as the figurine starts coming into to view they realize she is still standing, and apparently no matter how hard they shook, they didnt shake hard enough for the charms to make any lasting damage. Then the snow completely settles and they look directly into the eyes of that figurine and see that there is a mission in those eyes, there is strength, and if she wasnt a figurine and could move her limbs, she would most definitely be flipping them off with a small grin.
In the end those gremlins morph into children, and an adult comes running up and says “that is a collectible snow globe, why in the world were you shaking it so vigorously as if to break it?”, then these kids try to portray some innocence (because they know they are cute, and GREAT actors) “we were just playing with it, isnt that what snow globes are for? Its our favorite snow globe to look at. We promise we were handling it very carefully”, and they look up at the adult with innocent eyes (though kids are vindictive, but are there like those kids you see on the playground and wonder if they even KNOW they are mean little shits), even the adult looks at them with one eyebrow up, skeptical that the children were being innocent.
“Well until you grow up you are not allowed to handle this snow globe. Again, this is a collectible item. Not meant for ‘curious’ children to play with”, the adult then walks away and places the snow globe up high on the shelf. The kids turn and look at each other with “whatever” eyes, shrug, and hold hands while skipping away, with no remorse, only with thoughts “well, we are kids and ALLOWED to do it. Its what we are entitled to. We WERE handling it carefully”, though they know deep down inside they should have never been playing with it in the first place, but tried to justify they only touched the snow globe in efforts to use it for its function.
The figurine in the snow globe sitting up high on the shelf looks down at the kids. Not mad though. No, was totally expected of those children to misuse the snow globe for their own satisfaction of destruction though they thought it was totally justified because they are children and are allowed to act up in such matter. Only thing that hurt were the charms within the snow globe, those stung quite a bit. Children are not to be allowed to play with such delicate toys, they cant comprehend the value of something so precious because they are selfish and ignorant to the fact that they could break something that means the world to someone.
As a child myself I LOVED snow globes. For some reason I always came across old ones. Ones so old that I couldnt just shake it without the ball falling off the base. I would have to carefully hold it upside down and let the snow accumulate at the bottom, then flip it over and watch as the snow slowly came down. Shaking the shit out of it was no fun for me, because you could barely see through and everything was swirling and not ‘falling’ straight down as snow does. Also because I was a fan of the Smurfs and the movie Beetlejuice (and because I had seen and read to many horror stories at such a young age), I totally believed that there were people LIVING within the villages of the snow globe and they would come alive if I misused the globe, then they would escape the globe and cut my throat in the middle of the night, they totally would have been in cohoots with Freddy Krueger who lived under my bed…
So yeah, thats life. The snow and charms within my snow globe represent my emotions and things apart of my life (family), the gremlins/ evil children represent the negative people in which we interact with (coworkers, friends, even family). Though at times, life WILL be upside down, and you will have to deal with the after math (snow falling dow), just know things will eventually settle. This may sound weird, but we have to becareful in who we allow to handle our snow globe. The snow globe DOES have to be used for its function, because it wouldnt be much of a snow globe if it never snowed. But they are called SNOW globes, not blizzard globes.
Make sense? Can you relate?
And yes, I totally know I am “alive” and writing/typing again. I feel good. There was a blizzard in my snow globe, but I feel like I was just ready for it, well mentally tough to handle it, though there were constant curve balls and it still hurt, it didnt break me. Ya know all your life you wondered when you would “grow up”? Like when you would not feel 16-21-24-27-28 years old? Well apparently it was 30 years old for me… but thats a whole different post.
Also, I dont know why but wanted to share this via facebook (instagram). Maybe not blog it… (as you can see I have now placed it within the blog) …Maybe will. Who knows. This is my outlook on how life has been the past 3-4 months. Oh, and why even share? Hell I dont know. Working on being vulnerable, throwing it all out there, its just what I seem to do. This is my story. Not looking for pity or… Not looking for anything but to share. Just let me be that annoying friend on facebook that pisses you off with their stupid outlook on life. But really, I see it as I am sitting down to a cup a coffee with my family & friends. Like we are all at a table, and just listening to each other. Since we cant all be with each other in the same place, this is a close as it gets, and I am ok with that…. Because I am wearing shorts and I really dont want to shave my legs right now.