“Maybe its being married to a military man?”
Want to say that’s a question, but it was more of a statement from one of my FB pals (who actually is on my list of super-human moms). Reading that comment had me nod and say “Exactly!”.
I knowingly put Mark and myself in a vulnerable place with my last post. That post was not posted until I had Mark read over it. First off he always reads my posts and tries to fix my grammar because my words are coming to me faster than I can type. Second, I wanted him to know how I was feeling and what I was sharing. He knew that me showing him was also asking “Is sharing this too much? Are you ok with this?”, after he finished editing it he looked up at me and said “Its the truth. Its real life Chris, we are both at fault. I think people should know that this is the way it is. Am I upset about the past, and my actions? Of course, but so are you. No sense in leading people to think that things are fine, or leaving them to make up stories of their own. Share your story. Share OUR story.”
At first, I had this SUPER long post on how spoiled I am (this post still kind of is). I felt as though I had to stand up for Mark’s credibility as a husband and father. Only thing Mark is guilty of is at times being a complete asshole that lacks the emotional cue as to “maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on her”. Though Mark sucks with emotions, he excels in being a husband and father. Anyone that knows Mark, KNOWS this. No question what-so-ever.
The kids and I are spoiled. If you have read my blog posts, or we are friends in real or FB life you know I live an amazing life. I have had supporting me, a husband, who DID try to show his love, though not emotionally but in a way that made sense to him: financially.
Mark: “You have $10,000 in bikes!? Isn’t that enough for you to see I love you?”
Yeah, I could see how he was trying to show his love, but I was still left feeling a bit empty, knowing I wasn’t making HIM happy, due to my inability to “do it all”.
We as people don’t like to go into financials, but those that live in the triathlon world (or any expensive hobby) are aware of the costs, and those that aren’t, I’m sure the price of my bikes which have no motors seems ridiculous.
In all our fighting, in separating, then coming back. From being in love, to not being in love. From completely hating, to maybe not so much hating, I have never EVER once doubted Mark’s ability on being a father and care giver.
How does this tie into being a military man? Well, his actions are understandable to a point if you know what its like to be in the military. Hell Mark went a military high school, military college, he will be a lifer in the military. Straight forward and stubborn, Mark believes in getting things done. There are no options in the military. If you can’t get something done, you put your head down and figure out a different way to do it, but in the end it gets done. It’s the best and worst thing about him.
Mark reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite movies Armageddon, “Harry’ll do it. I know it. He doesn’t know how to fail.”
That’s Mark. He doesn’t accept failure, and thats why I know why he has been so hard on me. The concept of failing just doesn’t make sense to him. Does he need some sensitivity training on conveying his emotions to his wife? Absolutely.
So am I a spoiled little brat that just has her feelings hurt? You could see it that way. Still no one should make you feel like a piece of crap. Though I understand his view point, it is not ok for treating someone in a negative way.
After we read through this post…
“You know couples therapy would have probably been cheaper for us in the long run.”
He slowly turns his head to me “Now you tell me!”