Monthly Archives: May 2016

I am whatever I say I am…


Michaela Conlin and Joanna Gaines apparently are my spirit animals/doppelgängers …
Every week it happens, someone sees me, does a double take, stalks me, then randomly comes up to me (because this is such big news that they HAVE to let me know) and it starts:
“Excuse me, have you ever seen the TV show Bones (Fixer upper)?’
“Yes, totally know where you are going with this” <— But they don’t seem to hear me.
“The best friend Angela (One of the hosts)…”
“Yep, yep, I know…” <— Again still not listening to me
“You look so much like Angela (Joanna Gaines)!!”
“Yeah, I get that”
“Has anyone ever told you that?”
“Yeah, I get it about once a week”
“Hahaha OMG! You talk just like Angela!” <— as they clap their hands in shock!
“Ok, thanks (?)bye”
As they stare at me as I walk away…

Now I have no problem with this, they are both 2 beautiful talented women. Its come to the point I play a game with myself, especially if I actually catch them giving me the double take, I think “Angela or Joanna today..”
“Have you ever seen Fixer Upper?”

Thing is Ive grown up ALWAYS looking like someone. Mostly “You look so familiar…”, “yeah, I get that a lot”. Now with the rise of Fixer Upper, and how long has Bones even been out (FOREVER?)? At least there is a name to why I look so familiar.

Looking in the mirror I can kinda see it, but then I don’t. Then again I don’t talk to myself in the mirror, so don’t see maybe the facial expressions, or how I walk, or how I sound when I talk.

Both Michaela Conlin (Angela’s real name) and Joanna Gaines have being 1/2 Chinese/Korean & 1/2 Irish/German in common. I only have the Irish/German in common. Yep, sorry to break your heart, but I am not Asian (No: Chinese, Japanese, Filipino, Korean, or Pacific Islander). My mom is from Jersey (Irish/German/Swede/English descent), and my dad is from COLOMBIA. So I am LATINA.

Once had a “friend” tell me that people don’t necessarily like me or find me attractive (though I remember I really give 2 shits on who thinks I am attractive or not) because I ‘confuse’ them of what I am. That my face is overly animated. Hence the confusion I give people. Maybe because I was in the South and wasn’t white as rice (though I feel like I look pretty caucasian), white people can easily spot someone not COMPLETELY white. LOL, growing up in California I never had this problem, people always associated me with just being Mexican, but it was never a ‘problem’.

‘What I am?’

I’ve been thinking a lot of my cultural identity over the past year. Where do I belong? I’ve seen so much racism on my Facebook feed lately. So much segregation. I grew up in Southern California, I won’t say in the “ghetto”, but in a lower income neighborhood, we weren’t the rich kids “up the hill”. It was completely mixed, hell now that I think about it I don’t know if there were really any white kids. We were mixed, Mexican, Black. They were my friends. Though our skin color was different shades, it didn’t matter, what mattered was who was a baller at handball.

Really the only issue I remember there being was social class. I still look at people that way as to how they grew up. Yeah homie, you were either a rich little white boy or rich little black girl and you didn’t live the same life as us down the hill, so didn’t have a real clue on life. “Rich little” was what segregated us.

So who am I?

My name is Christina Botson (mother) Castaneda (father) Hebert.
I am from Southern California. Yes, explains why I talk faster than you, and don’t ‘sound’ like you.
I am MIXED, and proud. Colombian American.
I associate more with hispanics because that is how I grew up and because I AM HISPANIC.
Im opinionated because my mother talks too much (from Jersey) and never believed in anyone telling her what to do or how to think, especially if they were a ‘dumb little fuck’.
Im quiet and listen because my dad always said “Listen and LEARN. Be respectful.”
I dress a little ‘loud’ at times because my idol as a tomboy growing up was Gwen Stefani, and I so much wanted to be a bad ass like her and truly express myself, it wasn’t till I was old enough that I realized I can do & dress how ever the hell I want, so I do.
I am relatively calm and peaceful because I gotta keep the ‘California Love” (Thanks Joy)
I am sarcastic (funny) because I don’t like awkward situations so I try my best to break the ice and get a smile out of someone
I don’t brush my hair (well maybe once), because when I was 17 my mother told me to “brush your damn hair” and my one act of defiance was not brushing my hair and let it be unruly as hell (except when it was really big to have dead straight hair). To this day my hair looks like a rag-a-muffin, and when people say something about fixing my hair, I only make it look worse, because its MY DAMN HAIR.
I am strong because of my life experiences. From amazing, to tough.
I do what I want to do, because for far too long I let others control my life. Fuck ‘em. I won’t live in someone else box.

So I could go one. But this is me. My cultural identity is kinda all over the place, like I feel my life is, and I think I kinda like that.